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THEATER REVIEW INDEX

THEATER REVIEWS

ABE LINCOLN IN ILLINOIS (Broadway, December 1993):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kN

ADDICTED: A COMEDY OF SUBSTANCE (off-Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lG

THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER (Broadway, May 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ll

AN ALMOST HOLY PICTURE (Broadway, February 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lt

ANNIE GET YOUR GUN (Marquis, March 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ly

ARE YOU DAVE GORMAN? (off-Broadway, December 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lK

THE ASSEMBLED PARTIES (Broadway, April 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hy

AVENUE Q (Broadway, August 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lC

BARBARA COOK: MOSTLY SONDHEIM (Broadway, July 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lP

BARTENDERS (off-Broaday, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-u2

BAT BOY: The Musical (off-Broadawy, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-u6

BE (off-Broadway, April 2007):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oH

BEA ARTHUR ON BROADWAY: JUST BETWEEN FRIENDS (Broadway, February 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lT

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (Broadway, April 1996):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-m1

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (Broadway, April 1994):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lX

BELLS ARE RINGING (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-m4

BETTY RULES (off-Broadway, November 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ua

BIG APPLE CIRCUS – Big Top Doo-Wop (off-Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ue

BIG RIVER (Broadway, July 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-m8

BILL MAHER: VICTORY BEGINS AT HOME (Broadway, July 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mc

BLAST! (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mg

BLUE MAN GROUP: Tubes (off-Broadway, August 1994):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-um

BOOBS! THE MUSICAL (off-Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uq

BOOK OF DAYS (off-Broadway, November 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uu

THE BOYS FROM SYRACUSE (Broadway, September 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mk

BRUTAL IMAGINATION (off-Broadway, January 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uy

BURN THIS (off-Broadway, September 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uC

BUTLEY (Boston, MA, November 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uG

BY JEEVES (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mo

CABARET (Broadway, Jan. 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uO

CABARET (Broadway, March 1998):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uK

CAFE A GO GO (off-Broadway, June 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-t4

THE CARBON COPY BUILDING (off-off-Broadway, October 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-t9

CARNIVAL KNOWLEDGE [Todd Robbins] (off-Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-td

CATS (Broadway, June 1997):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sJ

CATS (Broadway, 1994):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sF

A CELEBRATION OF SILLINESS! [Fred Anderson] (San Francisco, CA, August 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tK

CHICAGO (Broadway, November 1996):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sM

CINDERELLA [aka Rodgers + Hammerstein’s Cinderella] (Broadway, April 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hD

A CLASS ACT (Broadway, March 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sS

THE COLOR PURPLE (Broadway, December 2005):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sW

COMEDIANS (off-Broadway, January 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tz

THE COMPLETE WORKS OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE (ABRIDGED) (off-Broadway, October 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tC

COOKIN’ (off-Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lp

THE COUNTESS (off-Broadway, September 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tG

CRASHING (off-off-Broadway, November 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tN

CRIMES OF THE HEART (off-Broadway, May 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tR

CRISS ANGEL MINDFREAK (off-Broadway, December 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tV

THE CRUCIBLE (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-t0

CYMBELINE (off-Broadway, January 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tZ

DANCE OF DEATH (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rL

DANCE OF THE VAMPIRES (Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rP

A DAY IN THE DEATH OF JOE EGG (Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rT

THE DAZZLE (off-Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sd

DE LA GUARDA: VILLA VILLA (off-Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sh

DEBBIE DOES DALLAS (off-Broadway, February 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sl

DEF POETRY JAM ON BROADWAY (Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rX

DEFENDING THE CAVEMAN (Broadway, March 1995):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-s1

DESIGN FOR LIVING (Broadway, March 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-s5

DINNER AT EIGHT (Broadway, January 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-s9

DRAGAPELLA! WITH THE KINSEY SICKS (off-Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sB

EARS ON A BEATLE (off-Broadway, April 2004):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rq

ELAINE STRITCH AT LIBERTY (Broadway, February 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-st

THE ELEPHANT MAN (Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sp

ELI’S COMIN’ (off-Broadway, June 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rv

ENDPAPERS (off-Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rz

EPIC PROPORTIONS (Broadway, October 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sx

EVERETT BEEKIN (off-Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rD

THE EXONERATED (off-Broadway, October 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rH

THE FANTASTICKS (off-Broadway, March 1996):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qk

FAR AND WIDE (off-Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qr

THE FATHER (Broadway, January 1996):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qT

FIRST LOVE (off-Broadway, September 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qv

FISH IN THE DARK (Broadway, July 2015):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cv

THE FLAMING IDIOTS (off-Broadway, January 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qA

FLOWER DRUM SONG (Broadway, October 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qX

FOOTLOOSE (Broadway, October 1998):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-r1

FORBIDDEN BROADWAY CLEANS UP ITS ACT (off-Broadway, January 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qE

FORTUNE’S FOOL (Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-r5

42ND STREET (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rd

45 SECONDS FROM BROADWAY (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-r9

FOSSE (Broadway, January 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rh

FOUR (off-Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qI

THE FOURTH WALL (off-Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qL

FRANKIE AND JOHNNY IN THE CLAIRE DE LUNE (Broadway, August 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rl

FRED ANDERSON: A CELEBRATION OF SILLINESS! (San Francisco, CA, August 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tK

FROM DOOR TO DOOR (off-Broadway, March 2004):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qP

THE GATHERING (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-px

GEORGE GERSHWIN ALONE (Broadway, May 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pB

THE GIN GAME (Broadway, December 2015):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-c3

THE GOAT OR WHO IS SYLVIA (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pF

GOLDA’S BALCONY (off-Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nt

THE GOOD THIEF (off-Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nx

THE GRADUATE (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pJ

GREASE! (Broadway, May 1994):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pN

THE GUYS (off-Broadway, September 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nB

GYPSY (Broadway, May 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pR

HAIRSPRAY (Broadway, August 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pV

HAND TO GOD (Broadway, July 2015):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cv

HANK WILLIAMS: LOST HIGHWAY (off-Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kV

HEDDA GABLER (Broadway, October 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pZ

HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH (off-Broadway, January 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kZ

HENRY IV (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-q4

HIGH DIVE (off-Broadway, February 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-l3

HIGH FIDELITY (Broadway, December 2006):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oj

HOLLYWOOD ARMS (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qc

HOMECOMING (off-Broadway, January 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lb

HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS… (Broadway, January 2006):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qg

HOWARD KATZ (off-Broadway, March 2007):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ow

I AM MY OWN WIFE (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ms

I LOVE YOU, YOU’RE PERFECT, NOW CHANGE (off-Broadway, August 1996):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kR

I’M NOT RAPPAPORT (Broadway, August 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mA

IF YOU EVER LEAVE ME, I’M GOING WITH YOU (Broadway, September 2001):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cI

IMAGINARY FRIENDS (Broadway, January 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mE

INTO THE WOODS (Broadway, May 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mL

THE INVENTION OF LOVE (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mP

IT AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT THE BLUES (Broadway, June 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mT

JACKIE MASON: LAUGHING ROOM ONLY (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mX

JACKIE MASON: PRUNE DANISH (Broadway, October 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-n1

JEKYLL & HYDE (Broadway, April 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hu

JEKYLL & HYDE (Broadway, May 1997):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-n5

JOE EGG (Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rT

JUDGMENT AT NUREMBERG (Broadway, March 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nd

KAT AND THE KINGS (Broadway, September 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nh

KING HEDLEY II (Broadway, May 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nl

THE KINSEY SICKS: DRAGAPELLA! (off-Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sB

KISS ME, KATE (Broadway, September 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-np

LA BOHEME (Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nF

LAUGHING ROOM ONLY [Jackie Mason] (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mX

LES MISERABLES (Broadway, 1997):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nJ

LIFE (x) 3 (Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nN

THE LION KING (Broadway, November 1997):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nR

LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS (Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nV

LONG DAY’S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT (Broadway, May 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nZ

THE LOOK OF LOVE (Broadway, May 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-o3

LYDIA (Los Angeles, CA, April 2009):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kD

MA RAINEY’S BLACK BOTTOM (Broadway, March 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oL

MAJOR BARBARA (Broadway, July 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oP

THE MADRAS HOUSE (February 2007):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-os

MAMMA MIA! (Broadway, October 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oT

MAN OF LA MANCHA (Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oY

THE MAN WHO HAD ALL THE LUCK (Broadway, May 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-p2

MASTER CLASS (Broadway, November 1995):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-p6

MAURITIUS (Pasadena, CA, April 2009):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kJ

MEDEA (Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pa

METAMORPHOSES (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pe

MISS SAIGON (Broadway, 1994):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pi

MORNING’S AT SEVEN (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pm

MOVIN’ OUT (Broadway, November 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pq

THE MYSTERY OF CHARLES DICKENS (Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pt

NEVER GONNA DANCE (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-i1

NINE (Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-i6

NOISES OFF (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ic

OKLAHOMA! (Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ij

OLD HATS (off-Broadway, April 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hH

ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-in

ONE MO’ TIME (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-is

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (Broadway, September 1994):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ix

THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG (Broadway, July 2017):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-9X

THE PLAY WHAT I WROTE (Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-iC

PRIVATE LIVES (Broadway, May 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-iH

THE PRODUCERS (Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-iL

PUMPGIRLS (off-Broadway, Dec. 2007):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ui

QED (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-iP

RAGTIME (Broadway, January 1998):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-iT

RENT (Broadway, May 1996):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-iX

THE RETREAT FROM MOSCOW (Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-j1

RODGERS + HAMMERSTEIN’S CINDERELLA (Broadway, April 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hD

SALOME (Broadway, May 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-j5

SAY GOODNIGHT GRACIE (Broadway, October 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-j9

SEXAHOLIX (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jd

SIDE MAN (John Golden, January 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jh

THE SMELL OF THE KILL (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jl

SMOKEY JOE’S CAFE (Broadway, March 1995):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jp

STONES IN HIS POCKETS (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jt

STUFF HAPPENS (off-Broadway, April 2006):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-od

THE SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jx

TABOO (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jB

TAKE ME OUT (Broadway, March 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jF

TARTUFFE (Broadway, January 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jJ

TARZAN (Broadway, May 2006):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ok

THAT PHYSICS SHOW (off-Broadway, July 2016):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bJ

THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN’ (Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-o8

THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE (Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jN

THOU SHALT NOT (Broadway, October 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jS

A THOUSAND CLOWNS (Broadway, July 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jX

TOM SAWYER [The Adventures of] (Broadway, May 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ll

URBAN COWBOY (Broadway, March 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-k2

URINETOWN (Broadway, October 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-k6

VANYA AND SONIA AND MASHA AND SPIKE (Broadway, April 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hr

VICTORY BEGINS AT HOME [Bill Maher] (Broadway, July 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mc

VINCENT IN BRIXTON (Broadway, March 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ka

VOICES IN THE DARK (Broadway, August 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kf

THE WEIR (Broadway, April 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kj

WICKED (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kn

THE WOMEN (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kr

WONDERFUL TOWN (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kv

A YEAR WITH FROG AND TOAD (Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kz

ZELDA AT THE OASIS (off-Broadway, January 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hV

INDEX: Theater Reviews: https://wp.me/pzvIo-an

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HUMOROUS POEMS

Sept. 2018: Colorado Limericks of the Damned
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hd

Jan. 2016: Lech Mipo
https://wp.me/pzvIo-8h

Jan. 2013: Rabbi Lacey
https://wp.me/pzvIo-8o

Jan. 1991: JoAnne Worley, Bea Arthur, and Me
https://wp.me/pzvIo-24

POETRY INDEX: https://wp.me/pzvIo-ts

INTERVIEWS & PROFILES

KAREN ALLEN (actress, May 2017):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-aP

LESLIE AYVAZIAN (playwright, Feb. 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-l7

BOB BALABAN (actor-director, June 2015):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cB

ANNE BASS (Lantern Theater executive producer, March 2017):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bu

VALERIE BERTINELLI (actress, March 2017):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-b0

LORRAINE BRACCO (actress, Nov. 2009):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2p

DIAHANN CARROLL (actress, Oct. 2008):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2r

LYNDA CARTER (actress, Oct. 2017):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-eR

PATTY DUKE (actress, Sept. 2009):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2x

SUSIE ESSMAN (actress, Dec. 2008):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2A

JULES FEIFFER (author-cartoonist, April 2017):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-a8

CARRIE FISHER (actress, Oct. 2009):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2D

TONY GEORGAN (Merrick Theater founder, Feb. 2016):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bX

SEAN GRENNAN (playwright, Nov. 2015):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cc

BRUCE GROSSMAN (Cultural Arts Playhouse producer, March 2016):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bU

CHRISTOPHER HACKERT (playwright, May 2017):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bk

CHERYL HINES (actress, Sept. 2017):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-eY

ALLISON JANNEY (actress, April 2017):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-aV

BILLIE JEAN KING (athlete, Jan. 2017):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-b5

TARMO KIRSIMAE (director, Feb. 2016):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bX

BARBARA KOLB (principal, Feb. 1977):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-h4

CHRIS LEMMON (actor-singer, Oct. 2015):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cl

OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN (actress-singer, July 2017):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-aK

KELLI O’HARA (actress, Dec. 2017):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bq

PAULA POUNDSTONE (comedian, Nov. 2017):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-eV

JEFFREY SANZEL (Theater Three artistic director, Sept. 2016):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bG

ALENA SMITH (playwright, June 2015):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cB

JONATHAN TOLINS (playwright, May 2016):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bM

Click the links for David Lefkowitz’s oeuvre, which he hopes you’ll loeuvre.

FEATURE STORIES:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/feature-stories/

INTERVIEWS & PROFILES
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/feature-stories/interviews-profiles/

PLAYS: Full Length:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/full-length-plays/

PLAYS: One-Acts:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/one-act-plays/

POEMS: Humorous:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/poems-humorous/

SONGS:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/2018/05/06/songs-by-david-lefkowitz/

TABLE OF CONTENTS:
http://wp.me/pzvIo-ac

THEATER REVIEWS:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/theater-reviews/

PLAYS INDEX: One-Acts

Blind Date
1986, revised 2008 (Dark Comedy. Synopsis: A man, a woman, a bad restaurant)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-i

Death of a Manure Salesman
1996 (Synopsis: Comedy. A family mourns, so attention must be paid)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-y

Down Came the Sun
2000 (Synopsis: Drama. A March-October romance in Key West)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-B

King Solomon the Wise
1990 (Synopsis: Dark Comedy. Synopsis: Sol’s got a decision to make)

Seaweed for the Gambler
1995 (Synopsis: Solo Drama. What’s it worth to work in the U.S. Mint?)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-s

The Sky is Calling
1994 (Synopsis: Drama. Unhappy traveler hindered by airline security)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-6

The Trickle-Down Lullaby
1986 (Synopsis: Solo Dark Comedy with Music. Father worries about raising his baby)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-2a

Uphill
2017 (Synopsis: Comedy. Sisyphus meets a sports reporter)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-76

PLAYS INDEX-One-Act: https://wp.me/pzvIo-hQ

SONGS INDEX

SONGS

Below please find a list of many of my songs — funny, serious, satirical, dark — with links to their lyrics on this website. Many of these songs were performed on my radio program, Dave’s Gone By, or may be heard on my youtube channel.
For more information, including rights and permissions, please contact me at davesgoneby_at_aol.com.

All songs (c) by David Lefkowitz, unless otherwise noted.

*

ALEPH BAIS (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6b
(a fat-free parody tune from a Rabbi’s perspective when he teaches Bar Mitzvah bochers their Haftorah portions)

ALMOST A SONNET (1981): http://wp.me/pzvIo-O
(a lightly serious love song with a nod to the bard)

AMAGANSETT PRINCESS (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-T
(a fairly serious song about a girl looking for all the wrong things in all the wrong ways)

ANAL DREIDEL (2007, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3y
(Thanks to a new medical procedure, Rabbi Sol Solomon discovers a new toy…and talent)

THE ANSWERS TO BLOWING IN THE WIND (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-eJ
(Who said the questions had to be rhetorical?)

THE ANTLERS ARE BLOWING IN THE WIND (aka “Moose You Around”) (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-2g
(An absurdly romantic waltz)

AR-15 (2018): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gh
(Yet another real-life psychopath turning a school into a mausoleum)

BACH PRELUDE #1 IN F.U. MAJOR: https://wp.me/pzvIo-fn
(A goofy plateful of hateful)

BAD, BAD MAN (2017): https://wp.me/pzvIo-eD
(Yet another sociopath doing satistic things, parodically)

THE BAGEL BOAT SONG (1985, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-13
(A “Banana Boat Song” parody, kosher-style, which was performed in the stage play, Shalom Dammit! An Evening with Rabbi Sol Solomon)

THE BALLAD OF PETE TOWNSHEND (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3A
(A tune penned when The Who balladeer was having legal troubles with the interwebs)

THE BALLAD OF TEENY PEENIE (1985, co=author: Scott Rodolitz): http://wp.me/pzvIo-16
(A silly song. Infantile even)

BAXTER HOLVOE’S VOLVO SONG (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8v
(A creepily comic ballad for a sociopathic seducer. Ah, love!)

BEFORE THE GOLDRUSH (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-19
(A semi-serious song about the way rock bands rise and crash.)

BEN GAZZARA (1994): http://wp.me/pzvIo-2d
(A deeply earnest lament about missing this fine actor — written many years before he’d actually died)

BETTER DO IT NOW (1984, auths: Scott Rodolitz, Jay Auerfeld, and Kevin Gerber): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9t
(Wish I’d written this catchy, sharp song about Long Island life, but I didn’t. My bandmates did.)

BRUNO (1981): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gL
(Carey may get out his cane, but Bruno breaks out objects on a whole other level)

CAPTAIN LIFLANDER’S MADRIGAL (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3C
(A satirical tune about American exceptionalism and weaponry)

CAUGHT (w.t.c.o.h.c.) (1986): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1f
(A thoroughly reprehensible comic song about a young girl’s evening proclivities)

CHANUKAH WISHES (2008): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3E
(A comic song about a Jewish boy’s true hopes for the Chanukah holiday)

CHERRY ON TOP (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1k
(A satirical tune mocking 1980s Long Island youth culture, such as it was)

COMING AND GOING (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1q
(A downright depressing song about friendship and betrayal)

COMMUTED SENTENCE (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-e2
(A serious number about the, um, joys of commuting to and from NYC

CONSTIPATED (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6T
(A parody song about a poor woman whose stones aren’t rolling)

COVER’D WITH CRAP (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3G
(A comical and aptly disgusting sea shanty)

CRACK OF A WHITE MAN’S ASS (1992): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8t
(A song as anatomical as it is comical)

CRAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN (2008): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3I
(A song parody penned in the midst of the recession)

CRIMINAL JUSTICE (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1u
(A song parody of Joe Cuba’s “Bang Bang” featuring a very bad mother)

DAMN SCHOOL, APPROXIMATELY (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-er
(A Dylan song parody knocking and mocking the education system

A DAY IN THE LIFE (OF A PSYCHOPATH) (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fC
(I wrote about a sociopath today, oh boy)

DAYENU (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-46
(A Passover parody song that thanks God for…well, something)

DEAD AIR (1985, co-author: Scott Rodolitz): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1A
(A fairly serious tune about the ills of American radio)

DEAD BLOWFISH (2015): http://wp.me/pzvIo-49
(A parody of “Dead Puppies” dedicated, with apologies, to Miley Cyrus’s departed pet)

DEEP IN THE HEART OF DALLAS (2016): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4d
(In response to the Black Lives Matter movement, a darkly satirical song parody of “Deep in the Heart of Texas”)

A DINGO ATE MY BABY (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3t
(A darkly comical number, to be bellowed in a thick Aussie accent)

DO THE ONION (2008): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9f
(A slow, gloomy dance for people who have no interest in dancing)

DO THE PHOENIX (1994): http://wp.me/pzvIo-2j
(A darkly satirical song instructing lucky teens on how they can die just like River Phoenix)

DON’T MESS WITH US (2003, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4h
(A plucky tune, loosely based on an old Yiddish melody, about Jews’ resiliency)

DON’T THINK TWICE, JUST GO (2009): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4m
(A song parody of Bob Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright,” dedicated to GWB)

DOUBLE HERNIA (HERNIA BOTH SIDES) (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gT
(With apologies to David Bowie and my intestines)

DRINK TILL I’M DRUNK (2010): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fg
(A jolly Irish song about Irish activities)

ELEPHANT WOMAN WANT GO HOME (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8H
(An a cappella, call-and-response tune perfect for hauling…stuff)

ENEMA BLUES (1978): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5o
(A happily Elvis-ish tune about going with the flow)

EVERY DAY ON THE 5:09 (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1N
(A fairly serious song about enduring life on the Long Island Rail Road)

FLOWERS WEREN’T MEANT TO LAST (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4p
(The plaintive complaint of a singer-songwriter)

FRONTAL LOBOTOMY BLUES (1979 co-author: Scott Rodolitz, revised 2006): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1J
(With apologies to “Mannish Boy,” a sick tune about a sick tot)

FUN IN THE KITCHEN (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5r
(A sick calypso ditty that will not be a hit with PETA)

(I’M HAVING A) GAY CHRISTMAS (2004, co-author: Peter Fitzgerald): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4u
(A pervy nod to alternative holiday celebrations)

GO CIALIS (2014): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4A
(To the tune of “White Rabbit,” this pharmaceutical tribute rocks, um, harder)

HAIR ON MY KNUCKLES (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gF
(Though it’s not true that having hair on one’s knuckles signifies retardation, that doesn’t deter the muse…)

HAPPY FOOT SONG
(see listing under MY FOOT)

HE’S GOT THE SHITHOLE WORLD (IN HIS HANDS) (2018): https://wp.me/pzvIo-g3
(A timely immigration song for our President)

HELLUVA LIFE (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fs
(The joys of castration, Bee Gees style)

HERE’S TO THE HIGH SCHOOL (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5t
(A bitter alma mater for bitter alma martyrs)

HOLIDAY CONGA (co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon, 2008): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gt
(The beauty of Jewish holidays is not their sacredness or spirituality; it’s that there’s so many of `em)

I KNOW WHAT GOYS LIKE (2012): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4G
(A parody tune, co-written with Rabbi Sol Solomon for his stage show, Shalom, Dammit!)

I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU (author: Scott Rodolitz, 1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dU
(A catchy tune about finding the right girl at the wrong time)

I WANNA DECOMPOSE (1979, co-author: Scott Rodolitz): https://wp.me/pzvIo-f3
(Nihilism at its goofiest)

I WANNA HOLD YOUR STUMP (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5H
(Look ma, a Beatles song parody with no hands!)

I’M GONNA PISS MYSELF (2017): https://wp.me/pzvIo-ev
(A Beatles parody about something yellow that isn’t a submarine)

I’M ME (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8K
(A jaunty tune celebrating the self)

I’M TOO SEXY (FOR MY PROSTATE) (2017, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-cN
(A parodic disco ditty about the Rabbi’s various ailments)

IN HIS ASS (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-ea
(A spirited spiritual about items actually inserted by people into their interstices)

IS IT GOOD FOR THE JEWS (2004, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4J
(A Yiddishy ditty that asks the age-old question)

IT WAS AN ALL RIGHT DAY (2017, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-70
(a parody of Ice Cube’s “It was a Good Day” from a Jewish perspective.)

IT’S A STIFF (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4M
(a dark song parody, to “Let it Snow,” about a true New York story)

JEOPARDY KEN (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4P
(A song parody, to the Beatles’ “The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill,” written to celebrate “Jeopardy” celeb Ken Jennings)

JERREE (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dx
(Jerry Lewis is no longer with us, but don’t tell that to the retarded boy who loves him…)

THE JERRY LEWIS TELETHON HOP (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dv
(Penned by Scott Rodolitz and Kevin Gerber, a mostly instrumental tribute to the nutty telethon host)

JOEY, THE SPASTIC KANGAROO (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4R
(A bouncy comic tune about an Aussie animal that bounces too freely)

KENNEDY CAR CAR (fka Song for Ted Kennedy) (1980): http://wp.me/pzvIo-de
(A folkie number about the chap acquitted)

KILLIN’ THE CANDIDATES (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5J
(A darkly comic look at the trigger happy)

KISS ME, I’M IRISH (2018): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gA
(A song for the Irishman in all of us)

THE KOSHER HOT DOG PICNIC (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-as
(A children’s folk song about–what else?–depravity)

LA-LA LAND (1988): http://wp.me/pzvIo-J
(A song parody of John Denver’s “Leaving on a Jet Plane” written specifically for a “Howard Stern Show” contest)

LADY LIBERTY (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5L
(A playful number about a statuesque lady)

LAMENT #9 (1982): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5P
(If John Lennon heard this song parody, he’d primal scream)

LET HIM PEE (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-ez
(Even early on, I was a “whiz” at Beatles parodies)

LOOK WHAT THEY DONE TO MY HEAD, MA (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4U
(With apologies to Melanie, a dark song parody for the age of terrorism)

M-O-T-H-E-R (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4Z
(Inspired by moms and Theodore Morse & Howard Johnson’s alphabetical tribute to them)

MADE IN THE USA (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5X
(With apologies to The Boss, a parody song of planned obsolescence)

MAKIN’ POOPIES (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4W
(A song parody for when you’re in the dumps)

THE MARRIAGE SONG (All You Do is Bitch) (2013): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3w
(A marital song parody of Lennon-McCartney’s “All You Need is Love”)

ME (1988): http://wp.me/pzvIo-20
(A joyfully comical-egocentrical tune)

MEM’RIES OF SCRANTON (1988): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9h
(A country-tinged, comical tune about family travels)

MICHAEL, ROW (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-65
(An environmentally conscious song parody)

MONSTERS OF THE WORLD (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-67
(A political song, both serious and ambivalent. Oh joy.)

MOOSE YOU AROUND (1985):
(see listing under The Antlers are Blowing in the Wind)

THE MOST OFFENSIVE SONG EVER WRITTEN (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7G
(No, really, it’s vile. I dare you…)

MY BLUES (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fd
(A disease parody from my diseased mind)

MY DOGGY’S CHRISTMAS GIFT (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-51
(A comical tune about how to keep your pet happy during the holidays)

MY FOOT (aka Happy Foot Song) (1990): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7C
(A comical marching tune about our neglected tootsies)

MY LADY’S A WILD BUZZARD (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-f5
(A tender parodic ballad extolling the behavior of a harridan)

NADINE (written by Scott Rodolitz, Jay Auerfeld & Kevin Gerber; 1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dA
(A doo-wop number about teenage love…from behind)

NAPERVILLE (1989): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1V
(A comical tribute to a somewhat underrated Chicago suburb)

THE NIPPLE SONG (1980): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6s
(A celebration of all things nipular)

NIRVANITY (2002): http://wp.me/pzvIo-54
(A parody with all apologies to the late Kurt Cobain)

NOT A FRIEND (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6y
(A serious tune about the limits of platonics)

NOT THE CLAM BAR (1983): http://wp.me/pzvIo-da
(A Clash parody that chooses pastrami over prawns)

NOTHING IN THIS WORLD (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6C
(A seriously depressing song about about muddling through the mundane)

O THURM (a.k.a. THURMAN MUNSON) (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gW
(A Dylanesque tribute, of sorts, to a ballplayer’s demise)

OFF COLOUR (2018): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gm
(A parody song for, and about, young and old)

OH CUM ALL YOU FAITHFUL
(see listing under THE TWELVE PERVERSIONS OF CHRISTMAS)

OH DAT BEN (2015): http://wp.me/pzvIo-56
(A wry tribute to the early years of presidential candidate Ben Carson)

OH, MY LOVE (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-61
(A serious love song from a long time back)

ORGY BOY (1987): http://wp.me/pzvIo-22
(A joyfully depraved comic tune about naughty activities)

OY OY (2015, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-58
(A not-so-traditional Jewish hand-clapping song)

PHOENIX ENVY (2004): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fU
(A song for when Glen Campbell was more naughty than tragic)

PISHES SWEETER THAN WINE (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5a
(A parody song about the fountain of aging)

THE PITY ME I’M POLISH POLKA (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5d
(Well, at least it’s not an oberek)

PSYCHO BLUES (2006): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1C
(A darkly comic tune about the activities of a psychopath. Not autobiographical)

PUBIC HAIR (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8M
(An ode to our nether feathers)

RABBI PEARL’S LAMENT (aka “The Schvartze Rubbed My Shmekel”) (1987, co-author Jeff Rothstein): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6G
(A comical cautionary tale for a man of soiled cloth)

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTIONS THEME (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5h
(How the good Rabbi opens his sermons)

RAIN ON THE BORDERLINE (1986): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6K
(A bit of unhappiness, in serious song form)

THE RECTUM OF EDMUND FITZGERALD (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5l
(With apologies to Gordon Lightfoot and a lot of dead sailors, a dark parody tune inspired by a true Long Island travesty)

RING MY BELL (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-94
(A joyful number in Wild Man Fischer style)

SANDY DUNCAN’S EYE (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5x
(a rhythmic and visionary tribute)

SANTA QUITS (2012): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6h
(a mashup piece, in Buchanan & Goodman style, using short samples from other artists).

SANTASIA (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6m
(a not-safe-for-the-north-pole holiday poem about Santa’s depravity)

SEAMUS THE URINE MAN (1998): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6p
(An Irish tune, based on the true story of a Dublin shop owner with a unique bouquet)

SERVE SOMEBODY (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gZ
(A parody tune ruing Bob Dylan’s stillborn again period)

SEW BUTTONS (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8Y
(A bit of pure absurdist whimsy, with sprinkle of Wild Man Fischer)

SEX WITH A CHICKEN (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9R
(A comical song for the bestial years of our lives)

SHAKING LIKE A MONKEY (1992): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1Q
(an absurdly happy comic tune about, well, doing the title)

SHEEP ARE MOIST (1982): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7J
(A comical, country-folk number that became the anthem of the band I was in at the time, The Moist Sheep)

THE SHIT SONG (2012, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6X
(A comic ditty about world religions penned for the stage play, Shalom Dammit! An Evening with Rabbi Sol Solomon)

SNIPER’S LULLABY (2002): http://wp.me/pzvIo-aE
(Written for my radio show, a song–to the tune of “Hobo’s Lullaby”–to celebrate the capture of the Beltway snipers)

STUCK INSIDE OF HEWLETT WITH THE BROOKLYN BLUES AGAIN (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fp
(A parody, of course, about rampant corruption, of course)

SUGAR, SPICE, AND A VERY SHARP AXE (co-author, Scott Rodolitz; 1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dh
(Lizzie Borden has nothing on this girl)

SWIMAWAY (2005): http://wp.me/pzvIo-ax
(A parody song inspired by the 2004 Indonesian tsunami, yet another iteration of “Mbube/Wimoweh/The Lion Sleeps Tonight)”

TAKE YOUR UNDEROOS DOWN (The Rolf Harris Song) (2014): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7w
(A Rolf Harris parody…and pillory)

TEN MORAY EELS (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8B
(A strange poetic chant for those who find the little Indians too un-P.C.)

THAT SONG ABOUT THE LADY OF THE BOWERY: https://wp.me/pzvIo-gP
(Ah, when love is blind, deaf, and impervious to odor)

THE SCHVARTZE RUBBED MY SHMEKEL
(see listing under RABBI PEARL’S LAMENT)

THEN YOU’RE JEWISH (2012, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-73
(A comic ditty about modern Jewish life. The song is performed in the first act of the stage play, Shalom Dammit! An Evening with Rabbi Sol Solomon)

THIS ONE’S FOR YOU (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5j
(The second — yes, second — song I wrote about enemas…and hopefully not the last)

THE TRICKLE-DOWN LULLABY (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-2a
(A darkly satirical number about a desperate man. The piece was written with stage directions and can be performed as a brief one-act solo)

THE TWELVE PERVERSIONS OF CHRISTMAS (aka “Oh Cum All Ye Faithful”) (1979, co-author: Scott Rodolitz): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6O
(The melody is traditional the exploits are not)

THURMAN MUNSON
(see listing under “O THURM”)

TUMOR IN MY HEAD (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8a
(A jaunty, non-autobiographical tune)

VEGETABLES ARE BAD FOR YOU (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7L
(A comical country song about mercy killin’. Yee haw)

WAKKA WAKKA BOOM BOOM PIG (2001): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9o
(Penned in Italy and dedicated to the man selling splat pigs there)

WALK ON THE WEIRD SIDE (1980): http://wp.me/pzvIo-do
(And you thought Lou Reed was kinky?)

WHAT AM I? (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8j
(A joyful song of the self)

WHEN I’M NINETY-THREE (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dq
(A parodic ode to decrepitude)

THE WHITE JEW BLUES (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7S
(Kind of an “oy is me” song for members of the tribe)

THE WORST SONG EVER WRITTEN (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7y
(A love song utilizing every possible cliche and groaner rhyme. Someone should sing it through a megaphone)

YESHIVA BOY (2011, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5U
(A bouncy Bob Seger parody that served as the opening number of Shalom Dammit!)

YAYS AND BOOZE (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fi
(A parody ballad with a rather startling blood-alcohol content)

YOU DON’T GET ME HIGH (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-eO
(A song parody about love gone up in smoke)

YOUR MEAT’S TOO BIG (2008): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5A
(In Fats Waller parodies, size matters)

FEATURE STORIES INDEX

FEATURE STORIES

June 2018: Miller, Monroe & Kazan at Bay Street Theater
(A chat with playwright Jack Canfora about his bio-drama, Fellow Travelers)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hh

May 2018: Discover the Argyle Theater in Babylon Village
(A big, brand-new theater is about to open on Long Island)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hk

Nov. 2017: Ping Pong, Pop Tarts, and Pineapples – Comedian Paula Poundstone on the Rewards of Moving Forward
(An interview with comedian Paula Poundstone)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-eV

Oct. 2017: It’s a Wonder-ful Life: Lynda Carter on Music, Money and That Role
(An interview with actress, model, and the original “Wonder Woman,” Lynda Carter)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-eR

Sept. 2017: Psyched: Cheryl Hines on Acting, Reacting, and the Kennedy Blessing
(An interview with Curb Your Enthusiasm actress Cheryl Hines)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-eY

Sept. 2017: A Band, A Butterfly, and a Bob – Broadway Greets the Autumn
(A preview of Broadway’s fall 2017 season)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bE

July 2017: Sometimes a Grain of Sand – Olivia Newton-John Reflects on Glory and Grief
(An interview with pop songstress and actress Olivia Newton John)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-aK

May 2017: Karen Allen and the World of Yes
(An interview with “Raiders” actress Karen Allen about her latest film project, “A Year by the Sea”)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-aP

May 2017: In Bloom – Christopher Hackert Gets his Theatrical Wish
(A profile of longtime Long Island florist–and playwright–Christopher Hackert)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bk

April 2017: The Ceiling’s the Limit: Jules Feiffer Collaborates on a New Musical
(An interview with Pulitzer-winning cartoonist Jules Feiffer about his work on The Man in the Ceiling, a musical premiering at Long Island’s Bay Street Theater)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-a8

April 2017: To the Oval Office from the Bunion Derby: Allison Janney’s Slow Rise to Stardom
(An interview with “West Wing” and theater actress Allison Janney
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-aV

March 2017: Spring on Broadway – Old Friends and Oddballs
(A preview of Broadway’s spring 2017 season)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-ba

March 2017: Valerie Bertinelli – Taking Life one Dish at a Time
(An interview with “One Day at a Time” and cooking-show star, Valerie Bertinelli)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-b0

Jan. 2017: Serving Love – Billie Jean King Still Winning for All of Us
(An interview with tennis legend and activist, Billie Jean King)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-b5

Dec. 2016: Kelli O’Hara on Living the Theater Life
(An interview with Tony-winning actress Kelli O’Hara)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bq

Nov. 2016: L.I.’s Lantern Still Burns Bright
(A look at Long Island’s 64-year-old Lanter Theater Company)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bu

Oct. 2016: Broadway’s Fall Shows Open on Their Own Terms
(A preview of Broadway’s fall 2016 season)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-by

Sept. 2016: Theater Three Starts a New Season without an Old Friend
(Jeffrey Sanzel, artistic director of Long Island’s Theater Three, reflects on the new season and the passing of longtime musical director Ellen Michelmore)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bG

May 2016: Aria Grande – Playwright Jonathan Tolins and his Fandom of the Opera
(Playwright Jonathan Tolins discusses his latest, A Forgotten Woman, premiering at Long Island’s Bay Street Theater)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bM

April 2016: Springtime in New York – Where Broadway is Blooming
(A preview of Broadway’s spring 2016 season)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bP

March 2016: A Chance to Shine: Syosset Dons a Shiny New CAP
(A chat with Bruce Grossman, artistic director of Syosset, Long Island’s Cultural Arts Playhouse)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bU

Feb. 2016: Women on the Verge – Daughters Arrives at the Merrick Theater
(A preview of Daughters, John Morgan Evans’s comedy-drama at Long Island’s Merrick Theater)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bX

Nov. 2015: The Tin Man Writes a Play Full of Heart
(A profile of playwright Sean Grennan on the eve of his drama, The Tin Woman, opening at Long Island Bay Street Theater)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cc

Oct. 2015: Lemmon’s Pledge
(An interview with actor-singer Chris Lemmon, son of legendary actor Jack Lemmon)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cl

Oct. 2015: Theatrical Island Hoppers
(A look at famous theater people born and/or raised on Long Island, including Alec Baldwin, Charles Ludlam, Patti LuPone, Adam Pascal, Idina Menzel, and Edie Falco)
First published on LongIslandPulse.com, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cf

Sept. 2015: Fall Approaches Quietly
(A preview of the fall 2015 Broadway season)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cp

June 2015: Sincerely Yours, Bay Street Theater
(Featuring interviews with playwright Alena Smith and director Bob Balaban, a preview of the comedy, The New Sincerity before its opening at Long Island’s Bay Street Theater)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cB

Nov. 2009: Lorraine Bracco on Life as a Post-Doc
(An interview with “Goodfellas” actress Lorraine Bracco)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2p

Oct. 2009: Carrie Fisher – She Moves On
(An interview with “Star Wars” actress Carrie Fisher)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2D

Sept. 2009: Call Her Anna – Patty Duke
(An interview with “Miracle Worker” actress Patty Duke)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2x

Dec. 2008: Curb Your Ensusiessman: The Comedian Speaks Out on Being Fair – and Foul
(An interview with “Curb Your Enthusiasm” comic actress, Susie Essman)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2A

Oct. 2008: Diahann Carroll Looks Back – and Forward
(An interview with Tony-winning actress Diahann Carroll)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2r

March 2007: Katz Prowls at the Pels
(A preview piece about the off-Broadway comedy, Howard Katz)
First published in TheaterSceneOnline.com.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oC

Jan. 2002: The Fantasticks Bids Farewell, Jan. 13, After 42 Years…
(New York’s longest-running musical leaves the Sullivan Street Playhouse)
First published in Playbill.com
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qo

Jan. 2002: Weedman’s OB Homecoming Starts at ArcLight Jan. 17
(The off-Broadway’ return of Lauren Weedman’s solo, Homecoming)
First published in Playbill.com.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lf

Feb. 2001: Brief Encounter with Leslie Ayvazian
(An interview with off-Broadway playwright Leslie Ayvazian)
First published in Playbill.com.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-l7

Oct. 1996: Andrea Martin’s Nude Gets West Coast Premiere
(A news item about Andrea Martin’s solo show coming to California)
First published in Playbill.com, Oct. 14, 1996
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ti

Sept. 1996: David Lefkowitz Joins Playbill On-Line Staff
(A short autobiography for my first day on the job)
First published in Playbill.com, Sept. 16, 1996
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tv

Feb. 1977: All About PCC
(A profile of Woodmere, NY’s Peninsula Counseling Center)
First published in: The South Chronicle, Woodmere Junior High School South, Woodmere, NY.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-h8

Feb. 1977: Mrs. Kolb’s Corner
(An interview with Barbara Kolb, principal of Junior High School South, Hewlett, NY)
First published in: The South Chronicle, Woodmere Junior High School South, Woodmere, NY.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-h4

COLORADO LIMERICKS OF THE DAMNED

by David Lefkowitz

An old diabetic from Akron
Dragged himself to the store on a snack run
While buying his breadsticks
He spied two well-fed chicks
And said, “You look sweeter than sacc’run!”

At a Japanese restaurant in Alamosa
A girl with anorexia nervosa
Was swallowing oodles
Of pukeable noodles
But choked to death on a gyoza

While traveling through Antonito
I met a strange fella named Vito
His extra-large foreskin
Kept adding on more skin
And looked like a giant burrito

A handsome young man from Arriba
Was hung like a baby amoeba
Despite his small cock
The girls would still flock:
He told them he was Justin Bieba

A virginal child in Arvada
Woke up one fine day with stigmata
She bled from her fists
Her tits and her wrists;
She looked like a squashed enchilada

A wizened old floozy from Aspen
Whose voice is all throaty and raspin’
Blames African guys
And their massive size
For leaving her gaggin’ and gaspin’

A creepy eccentric named Walt
Once murdered a waitress in Ault
He sautéed her brains
And all her remains
In garlic, cilantro, and salt

A troubled young Jewess named Norah
Attended a shul in Aurora
She tied up the Rabbi
The Cantor and Gabbai
And sodomized them with a torah

An unlucky farmgirl from Avon
Was humming her favorite song, “Rave On”
She fell in a pit
Of animal shit
And that’s what the town built her grave on

There was a young man from Basalt
Who kept jars of pee in a vault
And when he’d feel tender
He’d whip out a blender
And drink all his piss in a malt

A gifted soul singer from Bayfield
Was beaten to death in a hayfield
His gasping and groans
His hollers and moans
Made me think of a young Curtis Mayfield

A brutal young rapist from Bedrock
Tried putting a girl in a headlock
She broke from his grip
And bit off the tip
He lived, but he now has a deadcock

A fat politician from Bennett
Was fucking his labrador when it
Jumped up with a shriek
And bit off his cheek
And made him the talk of the Senate

There’s a casket in a graveyard in Berthoud
And I asked two young men to unearth it
For inside that chest
Lay the girl I loved best
Wasn’t easy to fuck her, but worth it.

A bawdy old bitch from Bethune
Would rise from her mattress at noon
“My husband,” she’d grin,
“is ugly as sin.
Thank goodness, he’s hung like a coon.”

A husky young man from Bonanza
Has muscles just like Tony Danza
But half of his face
Is being replaced
`Cause he’s got malignant skin canza

There was a young lady from Boone
Who kept Cheerios in her poon
When she wasn’t fucking
She’d spend her time plucking
The cereal out with a spoon

A very stern father from Boulder
Was teaching his daughter and told her
If you pick your nose
I’ll cut off your toes
And sever your arm at the shoulder.

One thing I would never have reckoned is
How weird is that geezer in Breckenridge
He keeps his wife’s hair
In an old Frigidaire
And keeps both her legs in a second fridge

A pedophile vicar from Brighton
Found altar boys very excitin’
It felt so intense
When they’d swing their incense
The rim of his asshole would tighten

A tender young lady from Brush
Would turn all the young men to mush
They’d start in one hole
But then lose control
And slide halfway into her tush

For raping a girl and her sista
A pedophile from Buena Vista
Was thrown into Rikers
With big, hairy bikers
And now he takes dicks up his keesta

The orchestra in Castle Rock
Plays naked, but please, do not mock
The drummer is cute
And the guy on the flute
Can play first xylophone with his cock

Don’t pity that pervy millennial
Who’s now doing time in Centennial
`Cause he stuck his noodle
Into his pet poodle
And sodomized his cocker spenniel

A frustrated fellow from Center
Whose girlfriend would not let him enter
One day with a grin
Just bashed her face in
And laughed at her just to torment `er

A hooker from Colorado Springs
Was paid to do acrobatic things
But she was so rough
The men screamed, “Enough!”
And most of them left her in slings

A curious girl from Cortez
Suspected she might be a lez
She slept with one whore
Then twenty-five more
And now she’s got chronic herpez

One morning a fellow from Craig
Found scabies all over his leg
He spent all day long
Inspecting his dong
And checking his foreskin for smeg

How proper, how tender, how cute
Was that damsel from old Crested Butte
Who knew that beneath
Her gold hair and white teeth
Lay the heart of a sick prostitutte?

A pregnant young woman from Cripple Creek
Was attacked by a crow with a triple beak
He pecked at her chest
And gnawed at her breast
Till one of her tits sprang a nipple leak

A kind-hearted whore from Dacono
Would spend all her Fridays pro bono
She’d not charge a nickel
To slap, tease, and tickle
Though fucking her ass was a no-no

How bittersweet `tis to remember
The girl that I dated in Denver
We met in the spring
And had quite a fling
Too bad she was dead by December

In the Kiowa County of Eads
Lives a man who adores anal beads
The more he inserts
The harder it hurts
And he bleeds and he bleeds and he bleeds

A tender young schoolboy from Eaton
Was raped and then horribly beaten
His bruises are healing
Except that he’s dealing
With blood that he can’t stop excretin’

Said Jane to her Mackintosh, “Siri,
Tell me, what are the men like in Erie?”
Said Siri, “They’re gross,
Obese and morose
And the backs of their Hanes are all smeary.”

There was a young woman from Estes
Who wouldn’t let men touch her brestes
If they’d even try
She’d look in their eye
And kick `em real hard in the testes

A crazy musician from Evans
Was singing a song to the heavens
He started off tender
But then grabbed his Fender
And cranked all his amps to elevens

There was a young girl from Fort Lupton
Who looked like a twin of Kate Upton
Though she was a virgin
The men kept on urgin’
`Cause that bitch was up for corruptin’

There is a young girl in Fort Morgan
Nice bod, but a face like a gorgon
So what I advise
is aim for her thighs
`Cause you got no eyes in your organ

A chubby young lady in Frisco
Would dance every night at the disco
I kidnapped that ho
And rolled her in dough
I’m frying her slowly in Crisco

A tremulous virgin named Blanche
was kidnapped from old Highlands Ranch
No, she was not raped
In fact, she escaped
by massively shitting her panch

An evil white slaver named Holden
Once kidnapped a woman from Golden
He mailed her out quickly
But she was so sickly
She died in the box she was sold in

A pedophile priest from Grand Junction
Would prey on the youth sans compunction
Though it was a sin
He could not get it in
For he had erectile dysfunction

There is a young woman in Holly
Who’s deeply addicted to Molly
If you have a stash
She’ll give you her cash
And suck on your dick like a lolly

A black college student from Hooper
Was stopped on the road by a trooper
Who treated him rough
And put him in cuffs
and jammed a baton in his pooper

They arrested a fellow from Hotchkiss
`cause there was a girl he would watch piss
He thought he was flirting
that time she was squirting
and he pulled her down for a crotch kiss

The wonderful thing about Hoyt is
It’s just as perverse as Detroit is
There’s threesomes, and four
And orgies galore
The place is a cauldron of coitis

If you’re looking for somewhere fun to go
Then why not vacation in Hugo?
There’s golf and martinis
And girls in bikinis
And clubs where they won’t let a Jew go

How gaily the heart in me sings
For Ida of Idaho Springs
So gentle and pure
So sweet and demure;
I make her do terrible things.

A plucky young lady named Keeley
Would give up her cherry quite freely
But men that she chose
All quivered and froze
`cause her pussy smelled worse than East Greeley

A serial killer from Kersey
Whose victims begged vainly for mersey
Said, “Yes, you will suffer,
but it could be rougher;
at least you don’t live in New Jersey.”

A clever young lady from Kim
Would go every day to the gym
And then for an hour
She’d stand in the shower
To get the stink out of her quim

There was a young hooker from Lakewood
Who wasn’t so cute but could fake good
Why, every last wimp
no matter how limp
would watch her performance and make wood

Three fine violinists from Littleton
Were having a bit too much fiddle fun
To help with these chores
they hired three whores
And viciously gang-raped the middle one

A plucky coal miner from Loveland
Became quite the pervert above land
He’d stuff lumps of coal
Into his asshole
And jerk himself off with his glove hand

There was a cute girl from Manassa
So smart that she got into Vasser
She needn’t do work
`Cause she knows how to jerk
And there isn’t a prof who won’t pass `er

A weightlifting wonder from Marble
Put 600 pounds on his barbell
When hoisting that mass
He ruptured his ass
He’s fine, but the cleanup was hor’ble.

A randy old hooker from Mead
Was very proficient indeed
For she could devour
Twelve clients an hour
And swallow a gallon of seed

A cancer researcher from Meeker
Is also the town’s best-known streaker
He keeps his vaccines
At home in his jeans
But guess where he carries his beaker?

Oh how all the bachelors would shun
That portly old lady from Nunn
She’d sit on their laps
And take mighty craps
That weighed a proverbial ton

A giddy young pervert from Ouray
Loved watching gay porn on his Blu-ray
He’d sit on his thumb
And when actors would cum
He’d wiggle it `round and shout, “Hooray!”

A militant Negro from Parker
Said, “Man, I sure wish I was darker!”
That son of a bitch
Turned darker than pitch
With the help of a black magic marker

An elegant lady from Peetz
Can do quite remarkable feats
Like strike a long match
On the lips of her snatch
And shoot gasoline from her teats

A half-blinded hooker from Rye
Let customers cum in her eye
And though it sounds funny
To make extra money
She’d go into sperm banks and cry

I knew a young lady named Ida
Who worked on a farm in Salida
When she was done mowing
She’d give me some blowing
And let me go halfway insida

A plucky young lady from Severance
Inspires a great deal of reverence
If you have a dick
That’s enormous and thick
She’ll take it all in and she’ll never wince

A succulent lady from Silt
Was physically perfectly built
For even the strongest
The widest and longest
Could stick it in up to the hilt

I once knew a girl in Superior
whose outlook could not have been drearier
I hooked her on meth
and now she’s near death
But damned if she isn’t much cheerier

There is a young lady in Swink
Whose pussy is perfectly pink
But if you get closer
You best hold your nose, sir,
`cause, boy, does it give off a stink

A lesbian lady from Timnath
Was bicycling home on a dim path
Another young dyke
Came by on a bike
So they gave each other a quim bath

A corpulent tranny from Trinidad
Was desperate to look like a skinny lad
She pushed all her fat
Through the folds of her twat
And gathered it up in a minipad

A cheerful young psycho named Dale
Dismembered a woman in Vail
He stifled a grin
As he tore off her skin
And stuffed all her guts in a pail

I met a young lady from Victor
As pretty, she was, as a picter
And though she was cute
Her dad was a brute
Who spat on her twat when he licter

A sexy young lady from Vona
Would give all the fellas a bona
For 25 bucks
She’d ride the old fucks
And let them bust in her vajona

A troubled young woman from Ward
was so unbelievably bored
when she birthed her daughter
she drowned her in water
and ate the umbilical cord

A girl that I knew in Woodland Park
Had a swim at the zoo after dark
So free and bucolic,
Her dolphin-filled frolic!
That is, till she met Mr. Shark

A born-again Christian from Wray
Would wake up each morning and pray,
“Lord, thanks for my life,
My children and wife.”
“Oh bullshit,” said God, “You’re gay!”

A naughty old woman from Yampa
Kept vaginal lube in her hamper
She had to confess
Her clothes were a mess
But she sure fucked the hell outta grampa

A crazy zookeeper from Yuma
Had sex with a three-year-old puma
When he was asked why
He started to cry
And blamed it all on his brain tuma

There was a young woman from the statutory town of Log Lake Village
She died.

THE END

©2018 David Lefkowitz