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SONGS INDEX

SONGS

Below please find a list of many of my songs — funny, serious, satirical, dark — with links to their lyrics on this website. Many of these songs were performed on my radio program, Dave’s Gone By, or may be heard on my youtube channel.
For more information, including rights and permissions, please contact me at davesgoneby_at_aol.com.

All songs (c) by David Lefkowitz, unless otherwise noted.

*

ALEPH BAIS (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6b
(a fat-free parody tune from a Rabbi’s perspective when he teaches Bar Mitzvah bochers their Haftorah portions)

ALMOST A SONNET (1981): http://wp.me/pzvIo-O
(a lightly serious love song with a nod to the bard)

AMAGANSETT PRINCESS (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-T
(a fairly serious song about a girl looking for all the wrong things in all the wrong ways)

ANAL DREIDEL (2007, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3y
(Thanks to a new medical procedure, Rabbi Sol Solomon discovers a new toy…and talent)

THE ANSWERS TO BLOWING IN THE WIND (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-eJ
(Who said the questions had to be rhetorical?)

THE ANTLERS ARE BLOWING IN THE WIND (aka “Moose You Around”) (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-2g
(An absurdly romantic waltz)

AR-15 (2018): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gh
(Yet another real-life psychopath turning a school into a mausoleum)

AROUND THE OOSTERHUIS (2017): https://wp.me/pzvIo-vI
<em(What else is there to do in an oyster house except run around it?)

BACH PRELUDE #1 IN F.U. MAJOR: https://wp.me/pzvIo-fn
(A goofy plateful of hateful)

BAD, BAD MAN (2017): https://wp.me/pzvIo-eD
(Yet another sociopath doing satistic things, parodically)

THE BAGEL BOAT SONG (1985, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-13
(A “Banana Boat Song” parody, kosher-style, which was performed in the stage play, Shalom Dammit! An Evening with Rabbi Sol Solomon)

THE BALLAD OF PETE TOWNSHEND (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3A
(A tune penned when The Who balladeer was having legal troubles with the interwebs)

THE BALLAD OF TEENY PEENIE (1985, co=author: Scott Rodolitz): http://wp.me/pzvIo-16
(A silly song. Infantile even)

BAXTER HOLVOE’S VOLVO SONG (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8v
(A creepily comic ballad for a sociopathic seducer. Ah, love!)

BEFORE THE GOLDRUSH (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-19
(A semi-serious song about the way rock bands rise and crash.)

BEN GAZZARA (1994): http://wp.me/pzvIo-2d
(A deeply earnest lament about missing this fine actor — written many years before he’d actually died)

BETTER DO IT NOW (1984, auths: Scott Rodolitz, Jay Auerfeld, and Kevin Gerber): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9t
(Wish I’d written this catchy, sharp song about Long Island life, but I didn’t. My bandmates did.)

BRUNO (1981): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gL
(Carey may get out his cane, but Bruno breaks out objects on a whole other level)

CAPTAIN LIFLANDER’S MADRIGAL (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3C
(A satirical tune about American exceptionalism and weaponry)

CAUGHT (w.t.c.o.h.c.) (1986): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1f
(A thoroughly reprehensible comic song about a young girl’s evening proclivities)

CHANUKAH WISHES (2008): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3E
(A comic song about a Jewish boy’s true hopes for the Chanukah holiday)

CHERRY ON TOP (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1k
(A satirical tune mocking 1980s Long Island youth culture, such as it was)

COMING AND GOING (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1q
(A downright depressing song about friendship and betrayal)

COMMUTED SENTENCE (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-e2
(A serious number about the, um, joys of commuting to and from NYC

CONSTIPATED (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6T
(A parody song about a poor woman whose stones aren’t rolling)

COVER’D WITH CRAP (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3G
(A comical and aptly disgusting sea shanty)

CRACK OF A WHITE MAN’S ASS (1992): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8t
(A song as anatomical as it is comical)

CRAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN (2008): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3I
(A song parody penned in the midst of the recession)

CRIMINAL JUSTICE (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1u
(A song parody of Joe Cuba’s “Bang Bang” featuring a very bad mother)

DAMN SCHOOL, APPROXIMATELY (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-er
(A Dylan song parody knocking and mocking the education system

A DAY IN THE LIFE (OF A PSYCHOPATH) (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fC
(I wrote about a sociopath today, oh boy)

DAYENU (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-46
(A Passover parody song that thanks God for…well, something)

DEAD AIR (1985, co-author: Scott Rodolitz): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1A
(A fairly serious tune about the ills of American radio)

DEAD BLOWFISH (2015): http://wp.me/pzvIo-49
(A parody of “Dead Puppies” dedicated, with apologies, to Miley Cyrus’s departed pet)

DEEP IN THE HEART OF DALLAS (2016): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4d
(In response to the Black Lives Matter movement, a darkly satirical song parody of “Deep in the Heart of Texas”)

A DINGO ATE MY BABY (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3t
(A darkly comical number, to be bellowed in a thick Aussie accent)

DO THE ONION (2008): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9f
(A slow, gloomy dance for people who have no interest in dancing)

DO THE PHOENIX (1994): http://wp.me/pzvIo-2j
(A darkly satirical song instructing lucky teens on how they can die just like River Phoenix)

DON’T MESS WITH US (2003, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4h
(A plucky tune, loosely based on an old Yiddish melody, about Jews’ resiliency)

DON’T THINK TWICE, JUST GO (2009): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4m
(A song parody of Bob Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright,” dedicated to GWB)

DOUBLE HERNIA (HERNIA BOTH SIDES) (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gT
(With apologies to David Bowie and my intestines)

DRINK TILL I’M DRUNK (2010): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fg
(A jolly Irish song about Irish activities)

ELEPHANT WOMAN WANT GO HOME (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8H
(An a cappella, call-and-response tune perfect for hauling…stuff)

ENEMA BLUES (1978): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5o
(A happily Elvis-ish tune about going with the flow)

EVERY DAY ON THE 5:09 (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1N
(A fairly serious song about enduring life on the Long Island Rail Road)

FLOWERS WEREN’T MEANT TO LAST (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4p
(The plaintive complaint of a singer-songwriter)

FRONTAL LOBOTOMY BLUES (1979 co-author: Scott Rodolitz, revised 2006): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1J
(With apologies to “Mannish Boy,” a sick tune about a sick tot)

FUN IN THE KITCHEN (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5r
(A sick calypso ditty that will not be a hit with PETA)

(I’M HAVING A) GAY CHRISTMAS (2004, co-author: Peter Fitzgerald): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4u
(A pervy nod to alternative holiday celebrations)

GO CIALIS (2014): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4A
(To the tune of “White Rabbit,” this pharmaceutical tribute rocks, um, harder)

HAIR ON MY KNUCKLES (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gF
(Though it’s not true that having hair on one’s knuckles signifies retardation, that doesn’t deter the muse…)

HAPPY FOOT SONG
(see listing under MY FOOT)

HE’S GOT THE SHITHOLE WORLD (IN HIS HANDS) (2018): https://wp.me/pzvIo-g3
(A timely immigration song for our President)

HELLUVA LIFE (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fs
(The joys of castration, Bee Gees style)

HERE’S TO THE HIGH SCHOOL (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5t
(A bitter alma mater for bitter alma martyrs)

HOLIDAY CONGA (co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon, 2008): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gt
(The beauty of Jewish holidays is not their sacredness or spirituality; it’s that there’s so many of `em)

I KNOW WHAT GOYS LIKE (2012): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4G
(A parody tune, co-written with Rabbi Sol Solomon for his stage show, Shalom, Dammit!)

I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU (author: Scott Rodolitz, 1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dU
(A catchy tune about finding the right girl at the wrong time)

I WANNA DECOMPOSE (1979, co-author: Scott Rodolitz): https://wp.me/pzvIo-f3
(Nihilism at its goofiest)

I WANNA HOLD YOUR STUMP (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5H
(Look ma, a Beatles song parody with no hands!)

I’M GONNA PISS MYSELF (2017): https://wp.me/pzvIo-ev
(A Beatles parody about something yellow that isn’t a submarine)

I’M ME (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8K
(A jaunty tune celebrating the self)

I’M TOO SEXY (FOR MY PROSTATE) (2017, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-cN
(A parodic disco ditty about the Rabbi’s various ailments)

IN HIS ASS (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-ea
(A spirited spiritual about items actually inserted by people into their interstices)

IS IT GOOD FOR THE JEWS (2004, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4J
(A Yiddishy ditty that asks the age-old question)

IT WAS AN ALL RIGHT DAY (2017, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-70
(a parody of Ice Cube’s “It was a Good Day” from a Jewish perspective.)

IT’S A STIFF (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4M
(a dark song parody, to “Let it Snow,” about a true New York story)

JEOPARDY KEN (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4P
(A song parody, to the Beatles’ “The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill,” written to celebrate “Jeopardy” celeb Ken Jennings)

JERREE (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dx
(Jerry Lewis is no longer with us, but don’t tell that to the retarded boy who loves him…)

THE JERRY LEWIS TELETHON HOP (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dv
(Penned by Scott Rodolitz and Kevin Gerber, a mostly instrumental tribute to the nutty telethon host)

JOEY, THE SPASTIC KANGAROO (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4R
(A bouncy comic tune about an Aussie animal that bounces too freely)

KENNEDY CAR CAR (fka Song for Ted Kennedy) (1980): http://wp.me/pzvIo-de
(A folkie number about the chap acquitted)

KILLIN’ THE CANDIDATES (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5J
(A darkly comic look at the trigger happy)

KISS ME, I’M IRISH (2018): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gA
(A song for the Irishman in all of us)

THE KOSHER HOT DOG PICNIC (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-as
(A children’s folk song about–what else?–depravity)

LA-LA LAND (1988): http://wp.me/pzvIo-J
(A song parody of John Denver’s “Leaving on a Jet Plane” written specifically for a “Howard Stern Show” contest)

LADY LIBERTY (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5L
(A playful number about a statuesque lady)

LAMENT #9 (1982): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5P
(If John Lennon heard this song parody, he’d primal scream)

LET HIM PEE (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-ez
(Even early on, I was a “whiz” at Beatles parodies)

LOOK WHAT THEY DONE TO MY HEAD, MA (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4U
(With apologies to Melanie, a dark song parody for the age of terrorism)

M-O-T-H-E-R (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4Z
(Inspired by moms and Theodore Morse & Howard Johnson’s alphabetical tribute to them)

MANY WAYS (2004): https://wp.me/pzvIo-x0
(A teachable moment about language, Mr. Rogers-style)

MAOZ TZURIS (2007): https://wp.me/pzvIo-wW
(A traditionally non-traditional Chanukah tune))

MADE IN THE USA (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5X
(With apologies to The Boss, a parody song of planned obsolescence)

MAKIN’ POOPIES (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4W
(A song parody for when you’re in the dumps)

THE MARRIAGE SONG (All You Do is Bitch) (2013): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3w
(A marital song parody of Lennon-McCartney’s “All You Need is Love”)

ME (1988): http://wp.me/pzvIo-20
(A joyfully comical-egocentrical tune)

MEM’RIES OF SCRANTON (1988): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9h
(A country-tinged, comical tune about family travels)

MICHAEL, ROW (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-65
(An environmentally conscious song parody)

MONSTERS OF THE WORLD (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-67
(A political song, both serious and ambivalent. Oh joy.)

MOOSE YOU AROUND (1985):
(see listing under The Antlers are Blowing in the Wind)

THE MOST OFFENSIVE SONG EVER WRITTEN (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7G
(No, really, it’s vile. I dare you…)

MY BLUES (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fd
(A disease parody from my diseased mind)

MY DOGGY’S CHRISTMAS GIFT (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-51
(A comical tune about how to keep your pet happy during the holidays)

MY FOOT (aka Happy Foot Song) (1990): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7C
(A comical marching tune about our neglected tootsies)

MY LADY’S A WILD BUZZARD (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-f5
(A tender parodic ballad extolling the behavior of a harridan)

NADINE (written by Scott Rodolitz, Jay Auerfeld & Kevin Gerber; 1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dA
(A doo-wop number about teenage love…from behind)

NAPERVILLE (1989): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1V
(A comical tribute to a somewhat underrated Chicago suburb)

THE NIPPLE SONG (1980): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6s
(A celebration of all things nipular)

NIRVANITY (2002): http://wp.me/pzvIo-54
(A parody with all apologies to the late Kurt Cobain)

NOT A FRIEND (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6y
(A serious tune about the limits of platonics)

NOT THE CLAM BAR (1983): http://wp.me/pzvIo-da
(A Clash parody that chooses pastrami over prawns)

NOTHING IN THIS WORLD (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6C
(A seriously depressing song about about muddling through the mundane)

O THURM (a.k.a. THURMAN MUNSON) (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gW
(A Dylanesque tribute, of sorts, to a ballplayer’s demise)

OFF COLOUR (2018): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gm
(A parody song for, and about, young and old)

OH CUM ALL YOU FAITHFUL
(see listing under THE TWELVE PERVERSIONS OF CHRISTMAS)

OH DAT BEN (2015): http://wp.me/pzvIo-56
(A wry tribute to the early years of presidential candidate Ben Carson)

OH, MY LOVE (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-61
(A serious love song from a long time back)

ORGY BOY (1987): http://wp.me/pzvIo-22
(A joyfully depraved comic tune about naughty activities)

OY OY (2015, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-58
(A not-so-traditional Jewish hand-clapping song)

PHOENIX ENVY (2004): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fU
(A song for when Glen Campbell was more naughty than tragic)

PISHES SWEETER THAN WINE (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5a
(A parody song about the fountain of aging)

THE PITY ME I’M POLISH POLKA (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5d
(Well, at least it’s not an oberek)

PSYCHO BLUES (2006): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1C
(A darkly comic tune about the activities of a psychopath. Not autobiographical)

PUBIC HAIR (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8M
(An ode to our nether feathers)

RABBI PEARL’S LAMENT (aka “The Schvartze Rubbed My Shmekel”) (1987, co-author Jeff Rothstein): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6G
(A comical cautionary tale for a man of soiled cloth)

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTIONS THEME (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5h
(How the good Rabbi opens his sermons)

RAIN ON THE BORDERLINE (1986): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6K
(A bit of unhappiness, in serious song form)

THE RECTUM OF EDMUND FITZGERALD (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5l
(With apologies to Gordon Lightfoot and a lot of dead sailors, a dark parody tune inspired by a true Long Island travesty)

RING MY BELL (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-94
(A joyful number in Wild Man Fischer style)

SANDY DUNCAN’S EYE (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5x
(a rhythmic and visionary tribute)

SANTA QUITS (2012): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6h
(a mashup piece, in Buchanan & Goodman style, using short samples from other artists).

SANTASIA (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6m
(a not-safe-for-the-north-pole holiday poem about Santa’s depravity)

SEAMUS THE URINE MAN (1998): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6p
(An Irish tune, based on the true story of a Dublin shop owner with a unique bouquet)

SERVE SOMEBODY (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gZ
(A parody tune ruing Bob Dylan’s stillborn again period)

SEW BUTTONS (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8Y
(A bit of pure absurdist whimsy, with sprinkle of Wild Man Fischer)

SEX WITH A CHICKEN (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9R
(A comical song for the bestial years of our lives)

SHAKING LIKE A MONKEY (1992): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1Q
(an absurdly happy comic tune about, well, doing the title)

SHEEP ARE MOIST (1982): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7J
(A comical, country-folk number that became the anthem of the band I was in at the time, The Moist Sheep)

THE SHIT SONG (2012, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6X
(A comic ditty about world religions penned for the stage play, Shalom Dammit! An Evening with Rabbi Sol Solomon)

SNIPER’S LULLABY (2002): http://wp.me/pzvIo-aE
(Written for my radio show, a song–to the tune of “Hobo’s Lullaby”–to celebrate the capture of the Beltway snipers)

STUCK INSIDE OF HEWLETT WITH THE BROOKLYN BLUES AGAIN (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fp
(A parody, of course, about rampant corruption, of course)

SUGAR, SPICE, AND A VERY SHARP AXE (co-author, Scott Rodolitz; 1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dh
(Lizzie Borden has nothing on this girl)

SWIMAWAY (2005): http://wp.me/pzvIo-ax
(A parody song inspired by the 2004 Indonesian tsunami, yet another iteration of “Mbube/Wimoweh/The Lion Sleeps Tonight)”

TAKE YOUR UNDEROOS DOWN (The Rolf Harris Song) (2014): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7w
(A Rolf Harris parody…and pillory)

TEN MORAY EELS (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8B
(A strange poetic chant for those who find the little Indians too un-P.C.)

THAT SONG ABOUT THE LADY OF THE BOWERY: https://wp.me/pzvIo-gP
(Ah, when love is blind, deaf, and impervious to odor)

THE SCHVARTZE RUBBED MY SHMEKEL
(see listing under RABBI PEARL’S LAMENT)

THEN YOU’RE JEWISH (2012, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-73
(A comic ditty about modern Jewish life. The song is performed in the first act of the stage play, Shalom Dammit! An Evening with Rabbi Sol Solomon)

THIS ONE’S FOR YOU (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5j
(The second — yes, second — song I wrote about enemas…and hopefully not the last)

THE TRICKLE-DOWN LULLABY (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-2a
(A darkly satirical number about a desperate man. The piece was written with stage directions and can be performed as a brief one-act solo)

THE TWELVE PERVERSIONS OF CHRISTMAS (aka “Oh Cum All Ye Faithful”) (1979, co-author: Scott Rodolitz): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6O
(The melody is traditional the exploits are not)

THURMAN MUNSON
(see listing under “O THURM”)

TUMOR IN MY HEAD (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8a
(A jaunty, non-autobiographical tune)

VEGETABLES ARE BAD FOR YOU (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7L
(A comical country song about mercy killin’. Yee haw)

WAKKA WAKKA BOOM BOOM PIG (2001): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9o
(Penned in Italy and dedicated to the man selling splat pigs there)

WALK ON THE WEIRD SIDE (1980): http://wp.me/pzvIo-do
(And you thought Lou Reed was kinky?)

WHAT AM I? (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8j
(A joyful song of the self)

WHEN I’M NINETY-THREE (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dq
(A parodic ode to decrepitude)

THE WHITE JEW BLUES (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7S
(Kind of an “oy is me” song for members of the tribe)

THE WORST SONG EVER WRITTEN (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7y
(A love song utilizing every possible cliche and groaner rhyme. Someone should sing it through a megaphone)

YESHIVA BOY (2011, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5U
(A bouncy Bob Seger parody that served as the opening number of Shalom Dammit!)

YAYS AND BOOZE (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fi
(A parody ballad with a rather startling blood-alcohol content)

YOU DON’T GET ME HIGH (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-eO
(A song parody about love gone up in smoke)

YOUR MEAT’S TOO BIG (2008): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5A
(In Fats Waller parodies, size matters)

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INTERVIEWS & PROFILES

KAREN ALLEN (actress, May 2017):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-aP


LESLIE AYVAZIAN (playwright, Feb. 2001):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-l7


BOB BALABAN (actor-director, June 2015):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-cB


ANNE BASS (Lantern Theater executive producer, March 2017):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-bu


VALERIE BERTINELLI (actress, March 2017):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-b0


LORRAINE BRACCO (actress, Nov. 2009):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-2p


TONI BRAXTON (singer, Jan. 2018):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-vT


DIAHANN CARROLL (actress, Oct. 2008):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-2r


LYNDA CARTER (actress, Oct. 2017):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-eR


PATTY DUKE (actress, Sept. 2009):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-2x


SUSIE ESSMAN (actress, Dec. 2008):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-2A


JULES FEIFFER (author-cartoonist, April 2017):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-a8


CARRIE FISHER (actress, Oct. 2009):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-2D


TONY GEORGAN (Merrick Theater founder, Feb. 2016):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-bX


SEAN GRENNAN (playwright, Nov. 2015):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-cc


BRUCE GROSSMAN (Cultural Arts Playhouse producer, March 2016):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-bU


CHRISTOPHER HACKERT (playwright, May 2017):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-bk


MARCIA GAY HARDEN (actress, Nov. 2018):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-vj


CHERYL HINES (actress, Sept. 2017):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-eY


AVI HOFFMAN (actor, March 2009:

https://wp.me/pzvIo-x3


LINDSAY HOWE (dancer, Dec. 2017):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-w1


JERE JACOB (director, May 2009):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-wu


ALLISON JANNEY (actress, April 2017):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-aV


BILLIE JEAN KING (athlete, Jan. 2017):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-b5


TARMO KIRSIMAE (director, Feb. 2016):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-bX


BARBARA KOLB (principal, Feb. 1977):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-h4


CHRISTINE LAHTI (actress, July 2018):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-ve


CHRIS LEMMON (actor-singer, Oct. 2015):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-cl


JEANIE LINDERS (playwright, July 2009):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-wp


LORI LOUGHLIN (actress, Feb. 2009):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-x7


JOY MANGANO (entrepreneur, May 2018):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-vL


TRICIA McDERMOTT (director, July 2009):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-wg


OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN (actress-singer, July 2017):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-aK


KELLI O’HARA (actress, Dec. 2017):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-bq


MACKENZIE PHILLIPS (actress, Aug. 2017):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-w4


PAULA POUNDSTONE (comedian, Nov. 2017):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-eV


GREG PURNHAGEN (actor, Nov. 2008)

https://wp.me/pzvIo-xg


JOAN RIVERS (comedian, May 2009):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-ak


MELISSA RIVERS (TV personality, May 2009):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-ak


VINNY RUSSO (director, April 2009):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-wE


JEFFREY SANZEL (Theater Three artistic director, Sept. 2016/Feb. 2009):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-bG / https://wp.me/pzvIo-xc


ALENA SMITH (playwright, June 2015):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-cB


RONNIE SPECTOR (singer, March 2018):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-vQ


REBECCA TAICHMAN (director, Oct. 2017):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-w9


JONATHAN TOLINS (playwright, May 2016):

http://wp.me/pzvIo-bM


ALI WENTWORTH (writer, Dec. 2018):

https://wp.me/pzvIo-wJ

THEATER REVIEW INDEX

THEATER REVIEWS

ABE LINCOLN IN ILLINOIS (Broadway, December 1993):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kN

ADDICTED: A COMEDY OF SUBSTANCE (off-Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lG

THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER (Broadway, May 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ll

AN ALMOST HOLY PICTURE (Broadway, February 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lt

ANNIE GET YOUR GUN (Marquis, March 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ly

ARE YOU DAVE GORMAN? (off-Broadway, December 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lK

THE ASSEMBLED PARTIES (Broadway, April 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hy

AVENUE Q (Broadway, August 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lC

BARBARA COOK: MOSTLY SONDHEIM (Broadway, July 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lP

BARTENDERS (off-Broaday, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-u2

BAT BOY: The Musical (off-Broadawy, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-u6

BE (off-Broadway, April 2007):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oH

BEA ARTHUR ON BROADWAY: JUST BETWEEN FRIENDS (Broadway, February 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lT

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (Broadway, April 1996):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-m1

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (Broadway, April 1994):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lX

BELLS ARE RINGING (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-m4

BETTY RULES (off-Broadway, November 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ua

BIG APPLE CIRCUS – Big Top Doo-Wop (off-Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ue

BIG RIVER (Broadway, July 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-m8

BILL MAHER: VICTORY BEGINS AT HOME (Broadway, July 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mc

BLAST! (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mg

BLUE MAN GROUP: Tubes (off-Broadway, August 1994):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-um

BOOBS! THE MUSICAL (off-Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uq

BOOK OF DAYS (off-Broadway, November 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uu

THE BOYS FROM SYRACUSE (Broadway, September 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mk

BRUTAL IMAGINATION (off-Broadway, January 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uy

BURN THIS (off-Broadway, September 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uC

BUTLEY (Boston, MA, November 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uG

BY JEEVES (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mo

CABARET (Broadway, Jan. 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uO

CABARET (Broadway, March 1998):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uK

CAFE A GO GO (off-Broadway, June 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-t4

THE CARBON COPY BUILDING (off-off-Broadway, October 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-t9

CARNIVAL KNOWLEDGE [Todd Robbins] (off-Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-td

CATS (Broadway, June 1997):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sJ

CATS (Broadway, 1994):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sF

A CELEBRATION OF SILLINESS! [Fred Anderson] (San Francisco, CA, August 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tK

CHICAGO (Broadway, November 1996):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sM

CINDERELLA [aka Rodgers + Hammerstein’s Cinderella] (Broadway, April 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hD

A CLASS ACT (Broadway, March 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sS

THE COLOR PURPLE (Broadway, December 2005):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sW

COMEDIANS (off-Broadway, January 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tz

THE COMPLETE WORKS OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE (ABRIDGED) (off-Broadway, October 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tC

COOKIN’ (off-Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lp

THE COUNTESS (off-Broadway, September 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tG

CRASHING (off-off-Broadway, November 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tN

CRIMES OF THE HEART (off-Broadway, May 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tR

CRISS ANGEL MINDFREAK (off-Broadway, December 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tV

THE CRUCIBLE (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-t0

CYMBELINE (off-Broadway, January 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tZ

DANCE OF DEATH (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rL

DANCE OF THE VAMPIRES (Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rP

A DAY IN THE DEATH OF JOE EGG (Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rT

THE DAZZLE (off-Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sd

DE LA GUARDA: VILLA VILLA (off-Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sh

DEBBIE DOES DALLAS (off-Broadway, February 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sl

DEF POETRY JAM ON BROADWAY (Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rX

DEFENDING THE CAVEMAN (Broadway, March 1995):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-s1

DESIGN FOR LIVING (Broadway, March 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-s5

DESPERATE MEASURES (off-Broadway, October 2018):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-v6

DINNER AT EIGHT (Broadway, January 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-s9

DRAGAPELLA! WITH THE KINSEY SICKS (off-Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sB

EARS ON A BEATLE (off-Broadway, April 2004):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rq

ELAINE STRITCH AT LIBERTY (Broadway, February 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-st

THE ELEPHANT MAN (Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sp

ELI’S COMIN’ (off-Broadway, June 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rv

ENDPAPERS (off-Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rz

EPIC PROPORTIONS (Broadway, October 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sx

EVERETT BEEKIN (off-Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rD

THE EXONERATED (off-Broadway, October 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rH

THE FANTASTICKS (off-Broadway, March 1996):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qk

FAR AND WIDE (off-Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qr

THE FATHER (Broadway, January 1996):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qT

FIRST LOVE (off-Broadway, September 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qv

FISH IN THE DARK (Broadway, July 2015):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cv

THE FLAMING IDIOTS (off-Broadway, January 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qA

FLOWER DRUM SONG (Broadway, October 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qX

FOOTLOOSE (Broadway, October 1998):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-r1

FORBIDDEN BROADWAY CLEANS UP ITS ACT (off-Broadway, January 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qE

FORTUNE’S FOOL (Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-r5

42ND STREET (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rd

45 SECONDS FROM BROADWAY (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-r9

FOSSE (Broadway, January 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rh

FOUR (off-Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qI

THE FOURTH WALL (off-Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qL

FRANKIE AND JOHNNY IN THE CLAIRE DE LUNE (Broadway, August 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rl

FRED ANDERSON: A CELEBRATION OF SILLINESS! (San Francisco, CA, August 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tK

FROM DOOR TO DOOR (off-Broadway, March 2004):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qP

THE GATHERING (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-px

GEORGE GERSHWIN ALONE (Broadway, May 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pB

THE GIN GAME (Broadway, December 2015):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-c3

THE GOAT OR WHO IS SYLVIA (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pF

GIRL FROM THE NORTH COUNTRY (off-Broadway, October 2018):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-v2

GOLDA’S BALCONY (off-Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nt

THE GOOD THIEF (off-Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nx

THE GRADUATE (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pJ

GREASE! (Broadway, May 1994):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pN

THE GUYS (off-Broadway, September 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nB

GYPSY (Broadway, May 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pR

HAIRSPRAY (Broadway, August 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pV

HAND TO GOD (Broadway, July 2015):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cv

HANK WILLIAMS: LOST HIGHWAY (off-Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kV

HEDDA GABLER (Broadway, October 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pZ

HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH (off-Broadway, January 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kZ

HENRY IV (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-q4

HIGH DIVE (off-Broadway, February 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-l3

HIGH FIDELITY (Broadway, December 2006):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oj

HOLLYWOOD ARMS (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qc

HOMECOMING (off-Broadway, January 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lb

HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS… (Broadway, January 2006):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qg

HOWARD KATZ (off-Broadway, March 2007):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ow

I AM MY OWN WIFE (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ms

I LOVE YOU, YOU’RE PERFECT, NOW CHANGE (off-Broadway, August 1996):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kR

I’M NOT RAPPAPORT (Broadway, August 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mA

IF YOU EVER LEAVE ME, I’M GOING WITH YOU (Broadway, September 2001):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cI

IMAGINARY FRIENDS (Broadway, January 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mE

INTO THE WOODS (Broadway, May 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mL

THE INVENTION OF LOVE (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mP

IT AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT THE BLUES (Broadway, June 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mT

JACKIE MASON: LAUGHING ROOM ONLY (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mX

JACKIE MASON: PRUNE DANISH (Broadway, October 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-n1

JEKYLL & HYDE (Broadway, April 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hu

JEKYLL & HYDE (Broadway, May 1997):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-n5

JOE EGG (Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-rT

JUDGMENT AT NUREMBERG (Broadway, March 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nd

KAT AND THE KINGS (Broadway, September 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nh

KING HEDLEY II (Broadway, May 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nl

THE KINSEY SICKS: DRAGAPELLA! (off-Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-sB

KISS ME, KATE (Broadway, September 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-np

LA BOHEME (Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nF

LAUGHING ROOM ONLY [Jackie Mason] (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mX

LES MISERABLES (Broadway, 1997):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nJ

LIFE (x) 3 (Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nN

THE LION KING (Broadway, November 1997):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nR

LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS (Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nV

LONG DAY’S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT (Broadway, May 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-nZ

THE LOOK OF LOVE (Broadway, May 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-o3

LYDIA (Los Angeles, CA, April 2009):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kD

MA RAINEY’S BLACK BOTTOM (Broadway, March 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oL

MAJOR BARBARA (Broadway, July 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oP

THE MADRAS HOUSE (February 2007):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-os

MAMMA MIA! (Broadway, October 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oT

MAN OF LA MANCHA (Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oY

THE MAN WHO HAD ALL THE LUCK (Broadway, May 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-p2

MASTER CLASS (Broadway, November 1995):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-p6

MAURITIUS (Pasadena, CA, April 2009):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kJ

MEDEA (Broadway, December 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pa

METAMORPHOSES (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pe

MISS SAIGON (Broadway, 1994):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pi

MORNING’S AT SEVEN (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pm

MOVIN’ OUT (Broadway, November 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pq

THE MYSTERY OF CHARLES DICKENS (Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-pt

NEVER GONNA DANCE (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-i1

NINE (Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-i6

NOISES OFF (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ic

OKLAHOMA! (Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ij

OLD HATS (off-Broadway, April 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hH

ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-in

ONE MO’ TIME (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-is

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (Broadway, September 1994):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ix

THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG (Broadway, July 2017):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-9X

THE PLAY WHAT I WROTE (Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-iC

POPCORN FALLS (off-Broadway, October 2018):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uX

PRIVATE LIVES (Broadway, May 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-iH

THE PRODUCERS (Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-iL

PUMPGIRLS (off-Broadway, Dec. 2007):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ui

QED (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-iP

RAGTIME (Broadway, January 1998):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-iT

RENT (Broadway, May 1996):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-iX

THE RETREAT FROM MOSCOW (Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-j1

RODGERS + HAMMERSTEIN’S CINDERELLA (Broadway, April 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hD

SALOME (Broadway, May 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-j5

SAY GOODNIGHT GRACIE (Broadway, October 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-j9

SEXAHOLIX (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jd

SIDE MAN (John Golden, January 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jh

THE SMELL OF THE KILL (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jl

SMOKEY JOE’S CAFE (Broadway, March 1995):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jp

STONES IN HIS POCKETS (Broadway, April 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jt

STUFF HAPPENS (off-Broadway, April 2006):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-od

THE SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS (Broadway, March 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jx

TABOO (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jB

TAKE ME OUT (Broadway, March 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jF

TARTUFFE (Broadway, January 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jJ

TARZAN (Broadway, May 2006):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ok

THAT PHYSICS SHOW (off-Broadway, July 2016):
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bJ

THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN’ (Broadway, October 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-o8

THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE (Broadway, April 2002):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jN

THOU SHALT NOT (Broadway, October 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jS

A THOUSAND CLOWNS (Broadway, July 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-jX

TOM SAWYER [The Adventures of] (Broadway, May 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ll

URBAN COWBOY (Broadway, March 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-k2

URINETOWN (Broadway, October 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-k6

VANYA AND SONIA AND MASHA AND SPIKE (Broadway, April 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hr

VICTORY BEGINS AT HOME [Bill Maher] (Broadway, July 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-mc

VINCENT IN BRIXTON (Broadway, March 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ka

VOICES IN THE DARK (Broadway, August 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kf

THE WEIR (Broadway, April 1999):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kj

WICKED (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kn

THE WOMEN (Broadway, November 2001):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kr

WONDERFUL TOWN (Broadway, December 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kv

A YEAR WITH FROG AND TOAD (Broadway, April 2003):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-kz

ZELDA AT THE OASIS (off-Broadway, January 2013):
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hV

INDEX: Theater Reviews: https://wp.me/pzvIo-an

HUMOROUS POEMS

Sept. 2018: Colorado Limericks of the Damned
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hd

Jan. 2016: Lech Mipo
https://wp.me/pzvIo-8h

Jan. 2013: Rabbi Lacey
https://wp.me/pzvIo-8o

Jan. 1991: JoAnne Worley, Bea Arthur, and Me
https://wp.me/pzvIo-24

POETRY INDEX: https://wp.me/pzvIo-ts

Click the links for David Lefkowitz’s oeuvre, which he hopes you’ll loeuvre.

FEATURE STORIES:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/feature-stories/

INTERVIEWS & PROFILES
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/feature-stories/interviews-profiles/

PLAYS: Full Length:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/full-length-plays/

PLAYS: One-Acts:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/one-act-plays/

POEMS: Humorous:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/poems-humorous/

SONGS:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/2018/05/06/songs-by-david-lefkowitz/

TABLE OF CONTENTS:
http://wp.me/pzvIo-ac

THEATER REVIEWS:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/theater-reviews/

PLAYS INDEX: One-Acts

Blind Date
1986, revised 2008 (Dark Comedy. Synopsis: A man, a woman, a bad restaurant)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-i

Death of a Manure Salesman
1996 (Synopsis: Comedy. A family mourns, so attention must be paid)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-y

Down Came the Sun
2000 (Synopsis: Drama. A March-October romance in Key West)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-B

King Solomon the Wise
1990 (Synopsis: Dark Comedy. Synopsis: Sol’s got a decision to make)

Seaweed for the Gambler
1995 (Synopsis: Solo Drama. What’s it worth to work in the U.S. Mint?)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-s

The Sky is Calling
1994 (Synopsis: Drama. Unhappy traveler hindered by airline security)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-6

The Trickle-Down Lullaby
1986 (Synopsis: Solo Dark Comedy with Music. Father worries about raising his baby)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-2a

Uphill
2017 (Synopsis: Comedy. Sisyphus meets a sports reporter)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-76

PLAYS INDEX-One-Act: https://wp.me/pzvIo-hQ

FEATURE STORIES INDEX

FEATURE STORIES

December 2018: Bad Stuff, Too: Ali Wentworth’s (Mostly) Charmed Life
(A chat with actress and writer Ali Wentworth)
First published in Long Island Woman, magazine, Dec. 2018.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-wJ

November 2018: In Bloom: Marcia Gay Harden Writes a Memoir for her Mother
(A chat with actress Marcia Gay Harden about her autobiography)
First published in Long Island Woman magazine, Nov. 2018.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-vj

July 2018: Riding the Waves: Christine Lahti on the Feminist Path
(A chat with actress Christine Lahti about her autobiography)
First published in Long Island Woman magazine, July 2018.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ve

July 2018: Pushing the Boundaries of Long Island Theater: Comfort Zones Realigned
(A chat with the founders of Long Island’s Out of Bounds Theater Company)
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, July 2018.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-vt

June 2018: Miller, Monroe & Kazan at Bay Street Theater
(A chat with playwright Jack Canfora about his bio-drama, Fellow Travelers)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY, June 2018.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hh

May 2018: Pride and Joy: Entrepreneur Joy Mangano Celebrates New Book and Old Values
(A chat with home-shopping magnate Joy Mangano)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY, May 2018.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-vL

May 2018: Discover the Argyle Theater in Babylon Village (aka “It Takes a Village”)
(A big, brand-new theater is about to open on Long Island)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY, April 2018.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-hk

March 2018: Feeling the Love Power: Ronnie Spector on Memories, Men, and Music
(A chat with rock-n-roll songstress and spousal abuse survivor Ronnie Spector)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY, March 2018.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-vQ

March 2018: Go Big or Go Bigger: Broadway’s Goes Mega in Spring 2018
(A spring-season Broadway preview)
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, March 2018.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-vw

Jan. 2018: Still Breathing: Toni Braxton on Love, Marriage, Divorce, Sex, & Cigarettes
(A chat with singer and reality TV star Toni Braxton)
First published in Long Island Woman magazine, Jan. 2018
https://wp.me/pzvIo-vT

Dec. 2017: Conversation with a Kick-Starter: Lindsay Howe on a Rockette’s Life
(An interview with Radio City Rockette Lindsay Howe)
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, Dec. 2017
https://wp.me/pzvIo-w1

Nov. 2017: Ping Pong, Pop Tarts, and Pineapples – Comedian Paula Poundstone on the Rewards of Moving Forward
(An interview with comedian Paula Poundstone)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY, Nov. 2017.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-eV

Oct. 2017: Taking her Time: A Chat with Tony-Winning Director Rebecca Taichman
(A chat with Broadway director Rebecca Taichman)
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, NY, Oct. 2017
https://wp.me/pzvIo-w9

Oct. 2017: It’s a Wonder-ful Life: Lynda Carter on Music, Money and That Role
(An interview with actress, model, and the original “Wonder Woman,” Lynda Carter)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY, Oct. 2017.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-eR

Sept. 2017: Psyched: Cheryl Hines on Acting, Reacting, and the Kennedy Blessing
(An interview with Curb Your Enthusiasm actress Cheryl Hines)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-eY

Sept. 2017: A Band, A Butterfly, and a Bob – Broadway Greets the Autumn
(A preview of Broadway’s fall 2017 season)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bE

Aug. 2017: Rebounder: Mackenzie Phillips on Wellness, Loss, and Love
(An interview with “One Day at a Time” star and recovery expert, Mackenzie Phillips)
First published in Long Island Woman magazine, NY, Aug. 2017.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-w4

July 2017: Sometimes a Grain of Sand – Olivia Newton-John Reflects on Glory and Grief
(An interview with pop songstress and actress Olivia Newton John)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-aK

July 2017: Wrong Turn: When Nothing Goes Right
(Theater review of Broadway’s The Play that Goes Wrong)
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, NY, July 2017.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-9X

May 2017: Karen Allen and the World of Yes
(An interview with “Raiders” actress Karen Allen about her latest film project, “A Year by the Sea”)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY, May 2017
http://wp.me/pzvIo-aP

May 2017: In Bloom – Christopher Hackert Gets his Theatrical Wish
(A profile of longtime Long Island florist–and playwright–Christopher Hackert)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bk

April 2017: The Ceiling’s the Limit: Jules Feiffer Collaborates on a New Musical
(An interview with Pulitzer-winning cartoonist Jules Feiffer about his work on The Man in the Ceiling, a musical premiering at Long Island’s Bay Street Theater)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-a8

April 2017: To the Oval Office from the Bunion Derby: Allison Janney’s Slow Rise to Stardom
(An interview with “West Wing” and theater actress Allison Janney
First published in Long Island Woman, NY, April 2007.

http://wp.me/pzvIo-aV

March 2017: Spring on Broadway – Old Friends and Oddballs
(A preview of Broadway’s spring 2017 season)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-ba

March 2017: Valerie Bertinelli – Taking Life one Dish at a Time
(An interview with “One Day at a Time” and cooking-show star, Valerie Bertinelli)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-b0

Jan. 2017: Serving Love – Billie Jean King Still Winning for All of Us
(An interview with tennis legend and activist, Billie Jean King)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-b5

Dec. 2016: Kelli O’Hara on Living the Theater Life
(An interview with Tony-winning actress Kelli O’Hara)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bq

Nov. 2016: L.I.’s Lantern Still Burns Bright
(A look at Long Island’s 64-year-old Lanter Theater Company)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bu

Oct. 2016: Broadway’s Fall Shows Open on Their Own Terms
(A preview of Broadway’s fall 2016 season)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-by

Sept. 2016: Theater Three Starts a New Season without an Old Friend
(Jeffrey Sanzel, artistic director of Long Island’s Theater Three, reflects on the new season and the passing of longtime musical director Ellen Michelmore)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bG

May 2016: Aria Grande – Playwright Jonathan Tolins and his Fandom of the Opera
(Playwright Jonathan Tolins discusses his latest, A Forgotten Woman, premiering at Long Island’s Bay Street Theater)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bM

April 2016: Springtime in New York – Where Broadway is Blooming
(A preview of Broadway’s spring 2016 season)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bP

March 2016: A Chance to Shine: Syosset Dons a Shiny New CAP
(A chat with Bruce Grossman, artistic director of Syosset, Long Island’s Cultural Arts Playhouse)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bU

Feb. 2016: Women on the Verge – Daughters Arrives at the Merrick Theater
(A preview of Daughters, John Morgan Evans’s comedy-drama at Long Island’s Merrick Theater)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-bX

Nov. 2015: The Tin Man Writes a Play Full of Heart
(A profile of playwright Sean Grennan on the eve of his drama, The Tin Woman, opening at Long Island Bay Street Theater)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cc

Oct. 2015: Lemmon’s Pledge
(An interview with actor-singer Chris Lemmon, son of legendary actor Jack Lemmon)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cl

Oct. 2015: Theatrical Island Hoppers
(A look at famous theater people born and/or raised on Long Island, including Alec Baldwin, Charles Ludlam, Patti LuPone, Adam Pascal, Idina Menzel, and Edie Falco)
First published on LongIslandPulse.com, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cf

Sept. 2015: Fall Approaches Quietly
(A preview of the fall 2015 Broadway season)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cp

June 2015: Sincerely Yours, Bay Street Theater
(Featuring interviews with playwright Alena Smith and director Bob Balaban, a preview of the comedy, The New Sincerity before its opening at Long Island’s Bay Street Theater)
First published in Long Island Pulse, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-cB

June 2011: Quick Thoughts on the 2011 Tony Awards Show
(Penned quickly after the live Tony broadcast, a look at highlights and low)
https://wp.me/pzvIo-uS

Nov. 2009: Lorraine Bracco on Life as a Post-Doc
(An interview with “Goodfellas” actress Lorraine Bracco)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2p

Nov. 2009: Golden & Shining: November is Far from Theater’s Twilight
(A preview of NYC shows opening in November 1999, plus some current NYC picks)
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, Nov. 1999.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-wm

Oct. 2009: Carrie Fisher – She Moves On
(An interview with “Star Wars” actress Carrie Fisher)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2D

Sept. 2009: Call Her Anna – Patty Duke
(An interview with “Miracle Worker” actress Patty Duke)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2x

Aug. 2009: Now, About These Women – Airmid Theater Company
(A chat with Tricia McDermott, artistic director of Long Island’s Airmid Theater Company)
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, NY, Aug. 2009
https://wp.me/pzvIo-wg

July 2009: Hot Flashes: Menopause the Musical Comes to Port Washington
(A chat with Menopause author Jeanie Linders)
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, NY, July 2009
https://wp.me/pzvIo-wp

June 2009: 2009 Summer Stage Preview
(An overview of Long Island summer theater offerings))
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, NY, June 2009
https://wp.me/pzvIo-wz

May 2009: Women of Manhattan
(Director Jere Jacobs discusses John Patrick Shanley’s play, Women of Manhattan, at Northeast Stage)
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, NY, May 2009
https://wp.me/pzvIo-wu

May 2009: Two Rivers Run Through It: Joan & Melissa Rivers on The Truth, The Past, and the Plastic
(A chat with comedian Joan Rivers and her actress daughter, Melissa Rivers)
First published in Long Island Woman magazine, May 2009
https://wp.me/pzvIo-wQ

April 2009: Facing Off Without a Net
(The Long Island Improv troupe Friday Night Face Off, plus a sidebar of NYC picks)
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, NY, April 2009
https://wp.me/pzvIo-wE

March 2009: Too Jewish? No Such Thing
(A chat with Too Jewish actor and creator Avi Hoffman)
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, NY, March 2009
https://wp.me/pzvIo-x3

Feb. 2009: Cashing In
(Theater Three’s Jeffrey Sanzel helps preview the Johnny Cash revue Ring of Fire)
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, NY, Feb. 2009
https://wp.me/pzvIo-xc

Feb. 2009: Lori Loughlin: House Proud
(A chat with actress Lori Loughlin)
First published in Long Island Woman magazine, NY, Feb. 2009
https://wp.me/pzvIo-x7

Jan. 2009: Battle of the Sexes (On and Off Broadway)
(Various plays and musicals of the late-fall Broadway/Off season, with a concentration on male/female conflicts)
First published in Long Island Pulse magazine, NY, Dec. 2008/Jan. 2009
https://wp.me/pzvIo-wi

Dec. 2008: Curb Your Ensusiessman: The Comedian Speaks Out on Being Fair – and Foul
(An interview with “Curb Your Enthusiasm” comic actress, Susie Essman)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2A

Nov. 2008: Hey, Ricky!
(A chat with Greg Purnhagen about his Desi Arnaz tribute show, Babalu-cy!)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY, Nov. 2008
https://wp.me/pzvIo-xg

Oct. 2008: Diahann Carroll Looks Back – and Forward
(An interview with Tony-winning actress Diahann Carroll)
First published in Long Island Woman, NY.
http://wp.me/pzvIo-2r

March 2007: Katz Prowls at the Pels
(A preview piece about the off-Broadway comedy, Howard Katz)
First published in TheaterSceneOnline.com.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-oC

Jan. 2002: The Fantasticks Bids Farewell, Jan. 13, After 42 Years…
(New York’s longest-running musical leaves the Sullivan Street Playhouse)
First published in Playbill.com.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-qo

Jan. 2002: Weedman’s OB Homecoming Starts at ArcLight Jan. 17
(The off-Broadway’ return of Lauren Weedman’s solo, Homecoming)
First published in Playbill.com, Jan. 2002.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-lf

Feb. 2001: Brief Encounter with Leslie Ayvazian
(An interview with off-Broadway playwright Leslie Ayvazian)
First published in Playbill.com.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-l7

Oct. 1996: Andrea Martin’s Nude Gets West Coast Premiere
(A news item about Andrea Martin’s solo show coming to California)
First published in Playbill.com, Oct. 14, 1996
https://wp.me/pzvIo-ti

Sept. 1996: David Lefkowitz Joins Playbill On-Line Staff
(A short autobiography for my first day on the job)
First published in Playbill.com, Sept. 16, 1996
https://wp.me/pzvIo-tv

Feb. 1977: All About PCC
(A profile of Woodmere, NY’s Peninsula Counseling Center)
First published in: The South Chronicle, Woodmere Junior High School South, Woodmere, NY.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-h8

Feb. 1977: Mrs. Kolb’s Corner
(An interview with Barbara Kolb, principal of Junior High School South, Hewlett, NY)
First published in: The South Chronicle, Woodmere Junior High School South, Woodmere, NY.
https://wp.me/pzvIo-h4

BAD STUFF, TOO: Ali Wentworth’s (Mostly) Charmed Life

by David Lefkowitz

 

On the day I was to phone writer and comedian Ali Wentworth for this article, she texted to reschedule owing to a nasty bout with norovirus. “Aha,” I thought, “her life isn’t perfect! I can help readers overcome their jealousy and find her sympathetic.”

Awful thinking, I know. But check the facts: Alexandra Wentworth was born 54 years ago to a well-off and well-connected Washington D.C. family. After attending a tony girls’ school followed by Bard College, the pretty blonde actress joined the L.A. sketch troupe The Groundlings and then made the cast of TV’s In Living Color (amidst cohorts like Jamie Foxx and Jim Carrey). Minor roles in movies and TV episodes followed, as did a long and still-happy marriage to news anchor George Stephanopoulos, resulting in two healthy and blossoming teenage daughters and a mansion in the Hamptons that the family sold last year for nearly $6 million. Oh, and Wentworth recently completed two seasons and counting of Nightcap, the TV comedy show she created and stars in on the Pop cable network.

So, yes, Wentworth’s life does have a fairy-tale sheen to it. (In fact, her 2012 book of humorous autobiographical essays was titled Ali in Wonderland.) But that doesn’t mean she hasn’t faced harsh challenges along the way—and not just the “vomiting, fever, and body aches” she admitted came with her norovirus bout.

“So you don’t have a charmed life?” I asked when I spoke to the fully recovered actress three days later. “I don’t think so!” she laughed.

“Fine,” I retorted. “Then tell me something horrible, anything. Help a writer out.”

“Well, I had depression when I was in my twenties, and I was attacked by a gang in L.A.”

“Oh.”

Turns out, Wentworth did suffer clinical depression during her early years in Hollywood, though now—big surprise—“I’m completely fixed!” she jokes. She stopped seeing a shrink awhile back, though she is “not averse” to returning if she needs to. Asked how she climbed out of the chasm, Wentworth points to “therapy and Zoloft. I was getting over a breakup with a boyfriend. At times like that, all the other stuff—like my parents’ divorce—comes bubbling up to the surface. So the cure was two-fold: talking in therapy, while the Zoloft provided a nice floor.”

Just as matter-of-factly, Wentworth speaks of her scariest encounter—with that Los Angeles gang. “I had just done a show with the Groundlings on a Saturday night,” she recalls. “The actors had parked their cars in a back alley behind the theater, so me and Mark, another actor, were out in this dark alley talking about our rehearsal schedule. That’s when this cholo gang of six guys with hairnets and tattoos circled us. They slapped me around a little bit and tried to get me into the car. As I wrote in Ali in Wonderland, I could tell their idea was to take me to a park, gang rape me, and kill me. And I had one of those split seconds where your survival instincts come forward, so I just ran.

“They stabbed Mark in the chest. He had a thick coat on which caught the blade, so he got cut up pretty badly but wasn’t killed. I survived. He survived. I called my mother, hysterically crying, from the emergency room when Mark was having surgery, and her response—which is her response to every horrific thing in life—was: `go to the Four Seasons Hotel.’ So I did. I didn’t know what else to do.”

As readers might know, Wentworth’s own encounter with a knife was more recent, better publicized, and fully voluntary: in 2012, she underwent cosmetic surgery to remove the bags she’d had under her eyes since her youth. “I realized it was like my Moby Dick,” she explains. “I had to do something about it. So I went online, but there was nobody being honest. Nobody was saying what the recovery was or how much it might hurt. I’d see my actress friends in L.A. and ask them, `Who do you go to? Who’s your doctor?’ And they’d answer, `What do you mean? I don’t do anything.’ And I’d think, `Oh my God, really? You’re pretending you haven’t had anything?’”

Meanwhile, Wentworth would be on film shoots and overhear “the lighting guy and makeup person fighting about whose problem it was that I had these dark bags under my eyes.” That’s when the actress decided not only to undergo the procedure but document it, in words and before/after photos, in Elle magazine. “I have to tell you, I get stopped as much about this as anything I’ve ever done in my career,” notes the actress. “I’m stopped by women saying, `thank you so much’ or `you’re right, it didn’t hurt that much.’ It’s very funny how I became the poster child for blepharoplasty.”

Wentworth adds that she’s all for other people getting various kinds of plastic surgery and that she might even try Botox herself at some point, but she doubts she’d ever go for “big-deal elective surgery” along the lines of a face lift or tummy tuck: “I’m afraid to get my teeth cleaned, so more than that seems like a lot of pain and agony.”

Painful in a different way was Wentworth’s sole foray into standup comedy. It was back when she was doing zany characters on In Living Color, and she noticed all her costars were making big bucks during the show’s hiatus weeks by hitting the club circuit. “So I went to the sports bar in the Marriott Hotel next to LAX,” Wentworth recalls. “There was a hockey game on, but it was an open mic night. So I came out, and the announcer was yelling `Strip! Strip! Strip!’ I came to this crossroad in my life where I thought, `Well, here we go. What am I gonna do? Am I gonna be a stripper?’ I dropped the mic and left.”

It’s not that Wentworth let that one hellgig get to her, though. “I realized the medium wasn’t for me,” she explains. “And that life wasn’t for me. I’ve talked to people like Amy Schumer about it; going across the country, living in Motel 6’s, eating out of a vending machine, and having people heckle and scream at you just didn’t appeal to me on any level. Plus, I prefer to hide behind characters.”

In fact, Wentworth still feels most nostalgic about one particular character: Sue Goober, the clumsy supermodel that landed her the In Living Color gig. “I auditioned eight million times for that show,” recalls Wentworth. “At the time, I had a manager—the kind of manager who lived in a van—but still, he knew they were doing a nationwide search for a black guy. A black comedian. Somehow that didn’t deter me. I went into the assistant-assistant-assistant casting agent and did a bunch of characters. After that, I must have auditioned ten times. Then I had to audition for the network. Then I had to go meet Keenan Ivory Wayans. It was a very long process, but it worked out in the long run.”

Asked when she knew she nailed it, Wentworth surmises it was when she was doing the network audition for “fourteen guys in Armani suits. I played a young actress auditioning for a James Bond movie. So I come in and think I’m gonna be reading lines as a Bond girl, when it’s really just to be one of the naked girls who dances around the gun during the credits. All of a sudden, the James Bond music comes on, and I do this whole physical thing where I end up flying and hitting the wall. When I did that for the network and these men, they were laughing and clapping and also wondering, `Oh my God, who are you?’ So I think it was that moment of total physical and emotional abandon.”

That caution-to-the-wind approach, nurtured at The Groundlings, served Wentworth well in the joyful tumult that was In Living Color. “There were so many funny, creative people in one room,” recalls the actress. “The perfect image of a rehearsal was Jim Carrey on one side of the room doing a character, while Jamie Foxx would be on the other side, pulled up to a piano and playing some piece of beautiful music. There was a frenetic energy all the time, and I was quieter than I’ve ever been just because there was so much going on around me.”

Wentworth’s memories of Carrey as a colleague are just as rosy. “He was incredibly kind and helpful and supportive,” she remembers. “Yet he was at a high decibel of funny—doing characters and physical comedy—even when we were just having lunch. It never stopped. I doubt he’s that way now; in fact, I know he’s not, but back then he wanted to be that person who was on all the time.”

Another hilarious person Wentworth speaks of fondly is…Mariska Hargitay. That’s right, the beautiful and soulful detective on that laugh riot, Law & Order: SVU, has a side only her close friends—like Wentworth—see. “We met at a party 25 years ago,” Wentworth recalls, “and it was akin to when I met my husband. It was like I’d known Mariska my whole life. We immediately fell in love and hid ourselves in a corner talking and laughing. She is one of the funniest people I know. You know how, when you’re a funny person, you seek other people out? Like when you want to play tennis with someone who’s as good as you? She is hysterical.”

On the other hand, George Stephanopoulos, Wentworth’s spouse of 17 years, is not. “Not a big surprise, right?” the actress chuckles. “I mean, he has a great sense of humor, but he’s just not funny himself. That’s what makes the relationship particularly good; he’s a great audience.” Asked if she ever suggests questions for the anchorman to fire at a newsy guest, Wentworth replies, “only in a joking way. I don’t tell him to do his job in the same way he’s not allowed to say to me, `Oh, you know what would be funnier…?’ We stay in our lanes.”

Except in bed, that is. Wentworth’s latest collection of essays, Go Ask Ali: Half-Baked Advice, has received the most attention for its chapter—titled “Shh, I Love My Husband”—on her sex life…and how good it is. She notes that while all her female friends gather for lunch to complain about their intimacy-challenged unions or confess to affairs, in order to avoid angry looks, Wentworth has to keep her happiness “on the down low” and later “weep in the back of the subway about the tenacity and fortitude of my marriage.”

Which brings us back full circle to Wentworth’s (mostly) lucky life—including being able to work as “creator, writer, executive producer, and star” of Nightcap. “When In Loving Color ended,” she notes, “I was surprisingly optimistic. My feeling was, `Okay, what’s next?’ I thought of TV like the corporate world; you just move up. And I did get a deal at NBC soon after—which meant they paid you a lot of money to do nothing. It wasn’t until after having a few deals that I realized, `Wow, it’s actually very difficult to get on television!’

“Even now,” she adds, “when I’m predominantly just writing, and there are so many more outlets, it’s very hard to get a show on the air. You have to have a big celebrity attached or some shiny thing you can present [the decisionmakers] with, because all they’re thinking is, `How do we sell this internationally?’. Luckily, I have some nice friends who are well known, like Sarah Jessica Parker and Paul Rudd, who will come and play.”

Lucky indeed, since Wentworth—still recognized for being Schmoopie on the Seinfeld Soup Nazi episode—can’t even think of a career she might have pursued had comedy not worked out. “I wanted to be a performer since I was a little girl. Always, always, always. I would have done it no matter what—even if on a much smaller scale. I’d be teaching it, or maybe I’d be an assistant to some porn director, but I’d be in the industry in some way. I just love it so much.”

And go figure: for Ali Wentworth, things worked out perfectly.

*

SIDEBAR:

WORTH-Y INCLUSIONS

Favorite vacation spot?

Any place where there are seashells and ocean.

Exercise regimen?

Not really. I do what I need to do. We have two dogs that I take for an hour-and-a-half walk in the morning, and I just started swimming, which I’m loving. But I’m a sporadic exerciser.

Favorite funny movies?

Private Benjamin and Manhattan.

Songs on your device?
I’m very nerdy, so there’s no pop music. It’s either classical (Rachmaninoff or a good Brandenburg Concerto) or The Grateful Dead (American Beauty).

Last two books you’ve read?

Emily Giffin’s All We Ever Wanted, and I’m about to start Heather Morris’s The Tattooist of Auschwitz. I wanted something dark.

Do you procrastinate?

Some people can sit down at a computer and just write. I can’t do that. The apartment has to be cleaned. I need my tea to be hot. There’s probably four hours of procrastination for every 45 minutes of actual work and focus.

Best advice you ever got?
Don’t take no for an answer.

Worst Advice you ever got?

Lose weight and get a nose job!

BYLINE:

David Lefkowitz hosts the long-running comedy program Dave’s Gone By (davesgoneby.com) live on Saturday mornings (facebook.com/radiodavelefkowitz). He is also an adjunct professor of English at the University of Northern Colorado and serves as editor in chief of Performing Arts Insider and TotalTheater.com.

  

In Bloom: Marcia Gay Harden Writes a Memoir for her Mother

by David Lefkowitz

(This article was published in the Nov. 2018 issue of Long Island Woman)

 

“How is your mom doing?”

That is the central question—the one everyone who reads Marcia Gay Harden’s book, The Seasons of My Mother: A Memoir of Love, Family, and Flowers, will want to ask her. It’s also the question she considers daily.

Beverly Bushfield Harden was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and has been deteriorating, bit by bit, ever since. Watching the woman who raised her slowly disappear has turned Marcia into an advocate for Alzheimer’s research, as well as a reflective and lyrical writer as she shares her own story intertwined with her mom’s best years and later decline. In fact, Seasons was originally going to be a mother-daughter collaboration on a coffee-table volume celebrating Mrs. Harden’s mastery of ikebana, the delicate arrangements of flowers. Instead, it turned into the daughter’s autobiography, covering her years as a budding actress, her success in such projects as Miller’s Crossing, Meet Joe Black, and Pollock (Supporting Actress Oscar); the landmark original Broadway production of Angels in America; TV’s Law & Order:SVU and Code Black; her marriage and divorce from film location scout and prop master Thaddaeus Scheel, the loss of her niece and nephew in a 2004 fire, and the raising of her children as a single parent while balancing a full slate of film and television work.

And yet, we return to the simple question, “How is your mom doing?”

“I wanna say she’s the same,” replies the actress, chatting by cell phone as she is on her way to take her actress daughter, Julitta, out for a celebratory dinner on the occasion of the 14-year-old having wrapped shooting on a new Jim Carrey TV project. “I can’t say anything good about Alzheimer’s. It’s a progressive disease that has robbed her. She’s still pleasant; she’ll always be kind and pleasant. But it’s only a nod towards her tenacious spirit that she is still those things. And I’d be lying if I said, `Oh, that makes me feel comforted. At least there’s the essence of mom.’ There’s just the essence, not the actions, the communication. When you talk to a person who has Alzheimer’s at the late stage she does, it’s a fairly one-way conversation, and it’s sad.”

Asked what she wishes more people knew about the disease, Harden points to Seth Rogan’s “Hilarity for Charity” organization and his Senate testimony before the Senate four years ago. “He said, `First you think—not that Alzheimer’s is charming, but it’s small.’ You think, `Ehh, they forget where they put their keys. They forgot a couple of faces.’ But the diagnosis is really like an avalanche. It’s a snowball tumbling down the hill creating devastation in its path.”

That said, Harden agrees with many experts that lifestyle choices can affect or impede the onset of dementia. “From what I understand from the research, they’re the common-sense things: exercise to the point that you sweat, eat well, and avoid or cut out sugar and carbohydrates—which has completely changed the line-up of my pantry!” she laughs.

More seriously, the actress, though acknowledging the complicated nature of Alzheimer’s and the failure of drugs to help, ascribes to the “gut-brain connection” theory, which again points to lifestyle: “There’s a reason some call the disease `Diabetes 3,’” she notes. “We need less inflammation in our bodies and, therefore, less in the brain. Initially, people talked about tau and tangles, but we all have tangles. Something’s blocking the ability to empty them. And at this point, I’ll do whatever I can to stave it off, because as I watch what happened to my mother and to other people, `exercise’ for them is playing with scarves, so to speak, and they completely lose the ability to control their bodily functions. So anything we can do, we should do.”

Which, of course, leads her to call for more research—especially in relation to Alzheimer’s and women: “Why are two-thirds of the people getting it women? Maybe if we study women, we can understand what occurs hormonally at a certain age. Anything we can study, we need to study to find a cure.”

Granted, unlike other grown children faced with similar parental health crises, Harden’s acting success has allowed her, for the time being, to keep her mother at home rather than in a facility. Even so, coordinating caregiving is always a challenge. “I have two sisters who go down and visit,” Harden explains. “My brother visits occasionally, and I visit when I can.”

All three siblings have read Harden’s book, “respect it, and are thrilled that it’s this love story to our mother,” Harden adds, “but they do they different responses and don’t always remember things the same way I do. We’ve had a few conversations on the order of `no, that wasn’t the car she drove’ or `mom would never have liked that.’ And I’ve just had to say that I understand we all have different stories and memories. I mean, when police interview people who’ve witnessed a crime, there are 15 different perspectives. It’s the same way in a family. But my family is proud of it and hopes the book will make a difference in Alzheimer’s awareness—especially the stigma.

“In fact, the last chapter, `Star Navigator,’ talks about when I was doing Angels in America,” Harden recalls. “During that time, the AIDS community was just breaking the bubble of shrouding who had AIDS in shame. By doing that, they really galvanized and showed us a way to lead in research and in conquering a disease. We must do that with the Alzheimer’s community because they can’t speak for themselves. My mom can’t be a spokesperson. But now, more and more, people living with Alzheimer’s are being voices and faces for the disease. They’re helping change the tide of how we talk about it.”

Asked if writing the memoir gave her perspective on her own life, Harden points to “maturity” as the biggest takeaway. “Going through the many different things I’ve gone through in the last 20, 30 years changed me. At the time, I was a bit green and raw. But, of course, in life, we grow up, we change, we control. Things that bothered me then or that I’d stand on a soapbox for, or my desire to be right—those wane, to a degree, with maturity. You choose your battles. Even the passions of life. I’m still incredibly passionate about the things I do. But the passionate expression changes as we get older. Perspective is a very interesting educator. It certainly educated me.”

Also teaching Harden—in terms of her first literary effort—was her friend, screenwriter Alvin Sargent (Ordinary People, Julia). “Early on,” the actress explains, “my publisher, Atria, recognized that I write in a way that they say is “lyric” and told me I should just listen to that voice. Alvin would say, `stop thinking about it and let it go! Let your brain go where your thoughts are taking you.’ That was really helpful to allow myself to move forward. I mean, I know enough not to put too many adjectives in the same sentence—anybody who’s taken writing in college knows that. But it was a pleasure to discover my voice, and I wonder if I wrote something different, would I write in a different style? That will be interesting to find out for me because actors often get dismissed as being vain, uneducated people whose opinions don’t count. But when you write a book, maybe you can’t be dismissed as readily. That remains to be seen!”

Although Seasons of My Mother changed from a glossy how-to volume about flower arranging to a personal narrative, Harden chose to keep to a floral theme: “I’d think, in January, what were the flowers mom would use? But rather than linear—January, February, etc.—it became seasonal. And the flowers were always there because they were always there for her.”

 What has always been there for Marcia, from her first appearances in Kojak and Simon & Simon episodes thirty years ago through her role as Grace Grey in all three Fifty Shades movies, is the work. “It’s been a wonderful life for me,” acknowledges. “But I tell my daughter, `don’t be a red-carpet actress. If you’re gonna act, be a real actress.’ My son Hudson, also an actor, loves musical theater, while Julitta loves film and television. But I want her to do theater, too, because that’s where you really hone a lot of skills. Theater actors can be film actors, but film actors can have a very tough time going into theater.”

Harden’s last Broadway role was her Tony-winning turn in God of Carnage nearly a decade ago, but Hollywood still beckons. “After three seasons, Code Black was cancelled,” she says, “so I recently booked an action movie called Point Blank. It’s a kind of character I’ve never played before—a very complicated cop—so I’m excited. I’m also working on some projects of my own because I love television. I love the daily-ness of it, the stories where you don’t know where it’s going, and all of a sudden it changes and the character grows—even if it’s sometimes tough not being in charge of your character. It makes me think of when I was playing Claire in Damages. You assume you know your character, but then the writer gets a whim and wants to up the stakes. So you start as an innocent flower girl, and now you’re a mass murderer!”

Harden is a big believer in researching roles, especially since some of her best known parts—Lee Krasner in Pollock, Ava Gardner in 1992’s telepic Sinatra—were real people. “You want to research the times they lived in, the customs, their mental processes,” she notes. “And that’s a gift because the accent, the stride, the behavior, the attitude—those have to be so specific. And yet, you still bring yourself into it. There’s only one you. Watch the greats—like Meryl Streep, who transforms in everything she does, yet there’s a core of Streepness about it. Actresses like her—Judi Dench, Ellen Burstyn, Nicole Kidman—always bring their touch of humanity to the work.”

Since she brings up acting superstars and legends, it’s only fair to ask Harden about some of the notables with whom she has shared the screen. For example, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, and Bette Midler in 1996’s The First Wives Club. “Oh, that was so long ago,” Harden sighs. “I mostly worked with Diane Keaton. She always wore headphones and was listening to music to get herself in the mood. I will tell you that the moment in the film when she hit me in the head was a mistake; she wasn’t supposed to actually hit me. But she blasted me—100 percent real! Still, back then I was really just a girl sitting in a chair and watching the greats work.”

A year later, Harden would co-star with Robin Williams in Flubber—a memory that instantly makes her laugh. “Loudest set you’ll ever be on in your life!,” she recalls. “Robin was always entertaining the crew and making jokes. You were thrilled when the director called `Cut!’ because that’s when Robin would begin his one-man show. And when they’d say `Action!’ again, he’d be so inventive and bringing what wasn’t on the page to the page. It was really buoyant for me.’

Not surprisingly, back then there was little hint of the demons that would surface for Williams two decades hence. “He was shy in certain ways and incredibly generous,” Harden continues. “And when he was quiet, he was quiet. In those times, you want to make sure that everything’s okay, but really they’re resting. You don’t disturb that. And Robin and I did have one-on-one, deep conversations. But mostly it was seeing his mind working; that was so exciting.”

Harden felt excitement of a different kind appearing with Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black.

“He was so beautiful!” she gushes. “Couldn’t take my eyes off him. I was thrilled when he noticed my cleavage in one scene! But I found him to be an incredibly classy person. He was going through different things in his private life at the time and breaking up with Gwyneth, but he was just very classy, and his family was there—including his mother—so he was just all-American and respectful of the process of acting and bringing his work to the plate.”

Romance taking a back seat to work has also been Harden’s story the past few years. She’s still single and not exactly looking. “There’s not a lot of interest or great candidates at the moment,” she confesses. “Plus, I’ve got a lot going on, so I’m not really around and available. Now, if the right person came along, great. But I’m deliriously satisfied and incredibly content with the rich, beautiful life I lead. My friends are great, and romance could be fun, but I’m okay at the moment not sharing a sink with anybody!”

 

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SIDEBAR:

Since flowers are so integral to Marcia Gay Harden’s book, we thought we’d get her quickie impressions of various blooming beauties:

Roses

I think of English gardens and Valentine’s Day. I like wild roses. Store-bought roses are beautiful, but they wilt so damn quickly.

Hyacinths

The aroma is heavenly. They’re an early bloomer. It’s like a jiggling lady.

Daffodils / Jonquils

I’ll always think of them as “a little lady wearing a perky bonnet,” as my mother described them. Or Katharine Hepburn. They grow wild in Vermont, and my ex put hundreds of jonquils on my car when he was first courting me. When I told my mother this story, she said, “Oh, daffodils. The happiest flower in the garden.” I was thrilled that she made the connection that daffodils and jonquils are the same flower.

Tulips

They’re fantastic. They’re spring to me. One can’t help but think of Holland and the fields and fields and fields of them.

Hibiscuses

They’re like a piece of thin, thin, paper. Very delicate.

Irises

A lakeside lover. Little purple ones that bloom by the lake. They make me think of a dark night because they’re purple and edged in black, but then they get lighter until the center is yellow. They’re a dramatic sunset. Like when you look at one side of the sky and you see the sun setting, but the other side is already night.

Orchids

There’s an odd sterility about an orchid. It’s very exotic and delicate and enticing, but without an aroma. You put a white orchid in a home, and it’s immediately elegant.

Amaryllises

Very sexual.

Stargazer Lilies

It’s big and white and aromatic. It’s often in hotel lobbies, so you walk in and you get this beautiful, fresh smell. Instant elegance. My favorite flower.

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BYLINE:

David Lefkowitz is an adjunct professor of English at the University of Northern Colorado. He also co-publishes Performing Arts Insider (TotalTheater.com) and hosts Dave’s Gone By (davesgoneby.com) live on Saturday mornings (facebook.com/radiodavelefkowitz).

POPCORN FALLS

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reviewed off-Broadway by David Lefkowitz, November 2018. This review was first published in Theater News Online (http://www.theaternewsonline.com/NYTheaterReviews/SMALL-TOWNECCENTRICS.cfm) and then on TotalTheater.com (http://www.totaltheater.com/?q=node/8122) both in October 2018.

 

Call it “lesser tuna” with a greater heart. Much like the still-remembered comedy, Greater Tuna, James Hindman’s Popcorn Falls is a two-hander where both hands play myriad roles to tell the story of a small community and its eccentrics. Here, the crisis is that the titular town has gone bankrupt and is about to be taken over by an evil mogul who has cut off their water rights. He demands payment and fully anticipates their default. One obstacle to his victory: a big check arrives, earmarked for the town’s theater. One problem: the playhouse has long been out of commission, and there are no actors, no costumes, no sets—oh, and no play, either. But in true Andy Hardy mode, the well-meaning Mayor and his handyman pal have themselves one week to put on a show to save Popcorn Falls. Can they do it?

Buoying this silly stuff are the play’s leads, Adam Heller and Tom Souhrada, the former a New York theater veteran for three decades, the latter a longtime voice actor just starting to make his way in New York theater. Both have obvious rapport, with Heller mostly playing one role—the decent, albeit harried, mayor—and Souhrada, in a marathon-level performance, taking on a dozen characters, from a demure waitress to a frowzy former actress to the aforementioned repairman. The speed at which he switches personae is impressive, but more winning is the gentle gravity he gives Betty, the waitress. Her scenes with Mayor Trundle, played ever so quietly in contrast to the ubiquitous, sometimes exhausting, zaniness elsewhere, give the whole piece a poignant undertow.

That’s important, because as comedy, Popcorn Falls, staged by Christian Borle at off-Broadway’s aptly homey Davenport Theater, offers lots of bemused smiles but admittedly few belly laughs. It’s cute, familiar, and more than a little strained. But the quiet bits and overall belief in humanity’s ability to conquer obstacles both personal and external, render it an appealing trifle, much like the snack in its title.

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Popcorn Falls opened Oct. 8, 2018 at off-Broadway’s Davenport Theater and, as of this writing, has tickets being sold through Jan. 6, 2019.