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INDEX – Poems – Humorous

3 TERROR-DACTYLS & A CLERIHEW

(four short and silly verses in dactyl form, 1986)

https://wp.me/pzvIo-HF

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TV/VIDEO/RADIO INDEX: Teleplays

by David Lefkowitz

MUDDY

1983 (short comedy. Synopsis: A spoof of Paddy Chayefsky’s Marty, wherein (ugly) boy meets (homely) girl)

https://wp.me/pzvIo-Ha

REAL TO REEL

1983 (short comic radio play. Synopsis: Unscrupulous TV reporter covers a fire)

https://wp.me/pzvIo-HL

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SCREENPLAYS

BOOKWORM! (short horror-comedy)

(co-written with Al Hunter)

https://wp.me/pzvIo-FQ

 

EXTRA (short comedy)

(conceived by Zvi Arav, based on a short story by Ephraim Kishon)

https://wp.me/pzvIo-Gf

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Click the links for David Lefkowitz’s oeuvre, which he hopes you’ll loeuvre.

FEATURE STORIES:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/feature-stories/

INTERVIEWS & PROFILES
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/feature-stories/interviews-profiles/

PLAYS: Full Length:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/full-length-plays/

PLAYS: One-Acts:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/one-act-plays/

POEMS: Humorous:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/poems-humorous/

SCREENPLAYS:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/screenplays/

SONGS:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/2018/05/06/songs-by-david-lefkowitz/

TABLE OF CONTENTS:
http://wp.me/pzvIo-ac

THEATER REVIEWS:
https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/category/theater-reviews/

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INDEX: Plays – Full-Length

by David Lefkowitz

 

(The One and Only) BASKET EDDIE (drama, 1985)

https://wp.me/pzvIo-Fs

 

KANDIDE (tragicomedy)

https://wp.me/pzvIo-F

 

THE TRIPLE WEDDING (farce)

https://wp.me/pzvIo-o

 

Index to Full-Length Plays: https://wp.me/pzvIo-FI

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INDEX: Songs

SONGS

by David Lefkowitz

Below please find a list of many of my songs — funny, serious, satirical, dark — with links to their lyrics on this website. Many of these songs were performed on my radio program, Dave’s Gone By, or may be heard on my youtube channel.
For more information, including rights and permissions, please contact me at davesgoneby_at_aol.com.

All songs (c) by David Lefkowitz, unless otherwise noted.

*

ALEPH BAIS (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6b
(a fat-free parody tune from a Rabbi’s perspective when he teaches Bar Mitzvah bochers their Haftorah portions)

ALMOST A SONNET (1981): http://wp.me/pzvIo-O
(a lightly serious love song with a nod to the bard)

AMAGANSETT PRINCESS (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-T
(a fairly serious song about a girl looking for all the wrong things in all the wrong ways)

ANAL DREIDEL (2007, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3y
(Thanks to a new medical procedure, Rabbi Sol Solomon discovers a new toy…and talent)

THE ANSWERS TO BLOWING IN THE WIND (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-eJ
(Who said the questions had to be rhetorical?)

THE ANTLERS ARE BLOWING IN THE WIND (aka “Moose You Around”) (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-2g
(An absurdly romantic waltz)

AR-15 (2018): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gh
(Yet another real-life psychopath turning a school into a mausoleum)

AROUND THE OOSTERHUIS (2017): https://wp.me/pzvIo-vI
<em(What else is there to do in an oyster house except run around it?)

BACH PRELUDE #1 IN F.U. MAJOR: https://wp.me/pzvIo-fn
(A goofy plateful of hateful)

BAD, BAD MAN (2017): https://wp.me/pzvIo-eD
(Yet another sociopath doing satistic things, parodically)

THE BAGEL BOAT SONG (1985, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-13
(A “Banana Boat Song” parody, kosher-style, which was performed in the stage play, Shalom Dammit! An Evening with Rabbi Sol Solomon)

THE BALLAD OF PETE TOWNSHEND (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3A
(A tune penned when The Who balladeer was having legal troubles with the interwebs)

THE BALLAD OF TEENY PEENIE (1985, co=author: Scott Rodolitz): http://wp.me/pzvIo-16
(A silly song. Infantile even)

BAXTER HOLVOE’S VOLVO SONG (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8v
(A creepily comic ballad for a sociopathic seducer. Ah, love!)

BEFORE THE GOLDRUSH (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-19
(A semi-serious song about the way rock bands rise and crash.)

BEN GAZZARA (1994): http://wp.me/pzvIo-2d
(A deeply earnest lament about missing this fine actor — written many years before he’d actually died)

BETTER DO IT NOW (1984, auths: Scott Rodolitz, Jay Auerfeld, and Kevin Gerber): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9t
(Wish I’d written this catchy, sharp song about Long Island life, but I didn’t. My bandmates did.)

BRUNO (1981): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gL
(Carey may get out his cane, but Bruno breaks out objects on a whole other level)

CAPTAIN LIFLANDER’S MADRIGAL (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3C
(A satirical tune about American exceptionalism and weaponry)

CAUGHT (w.t.c.o.h.c.) (1986): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1f
(A thoroughly reprehensible comic song about a young girl’s evening proclivities)

CHANUKAH WISHES (2008): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3E
(A comic song about a Jewish boy’s true hopes for the Chanukah holiday)

CHERRY ON TOP (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1k
(A satirical tune mocking 1980s Long Island youth culture, such as it was)

COMING AND GOING (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1q
(A downright depressing song about friendship and betrayal)

COMMUTED SENTENCE (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-e2
(A serious number about the, um, joys of commuting to and from NYC

CONSTIPATED (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6T
(A parody song about a poor woman whose stones aren’t rolling)

COVER’D WITH CRAP (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3G
(A comical and aptly disgusting sea shanty)

CRACK OF A WHITE MAN’S ASS (1992): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8t
(A song as anatomical as it is comical)

CRAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN (2008): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3I
(A song parody penned in the midst of the recession)

CRIMINAL JUSTICE (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1u
(A song parody of Joe Cuba’s “Bang Bang” featuring a very bad mother)

DAMN SCHOOL, APPROXIMATELY (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-er
(A Dylan song parody knocking and mocking the education system

A DAY IN THE LIFE (OF A PSYCHOPATH) (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fC
(I wrote about a sociopath today, oh boy)

DAYENU (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-46
(A Passover parody song that thanks God for…well, something)

DEAD AIR (1985, co-author: Scott Rodolitz): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1A
(A fairly serious tune about the ills of American radio)

DEAD BLOWFISH (2015): http://wp.me/pzvIo-49
(A parody of “Dead Puppies” dedicated, with apologies, to Miley Cyrus’s departed pet)

DEEP IN THE HEART OF DALLAS (2016): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4d
(In response to the Black Lives Matter movement, a darkly satirical song parody of “Deep in the Heart of Texas”)

A DINGO ATE MY BABY (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3t
(A darkly comical number, to be bellowed in a thick Aussie accent)

DO THE ONION (2008): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9f
(A slow, gloomy dance for people who have no interest in dancing)

DO THE PHOENIX (1994): http://wp.me/pzvIo-2j
(A darkly satirical song instructing lucky teens on how they can die just like River Phoenix)

DON’T MESS WITH US (2003, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4h
(A plucky tune, loosely based on an old Yiddish melody, about Jews’ resiliency)

DON’T THINK TWICE, JUST GO (2009): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4m
(A song parody of Bob Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright,” dedicated to GWB)

DOUBLE HERNIA (HERNIA BOTH SIDES) (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gT
(With apologies to David Bowie and my intestines)

DRINK TILL I’M DRUNK (2010): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fg
(A jolly Irish song about Irish activities)

ELEPHANT WOMAN WANT GO HOME (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8H
(An a cappella, call-and-response tune perfect for hauling…stuff)

ENEMA BLUES (1978): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5o
(A happily Elvis-ish tune about going with the flow)

EVERY DAY ON THE 5:09 (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1N
(A fairly serious song about enduring life on the Long Island Rail Road)

FLOWERS WEREN’T MEANT TO LAST (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4p
(The plaintive complaint of a singer-songwriter)

FRONTAL LOBOTOMY BLUES (1979 co-author: Scott Rodolitz, revised 2006): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1J
(With apologies to “Mannish Boy,” a sick tune about a sick tot)

FUN IN THE KITCHEN (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5r
(A sick calypso ditty that will not be a hit with PETA)

(I’M HAVING A) GAY CHRISTMAS (2004, co-author: Peter Fitzgerald): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4u
(A pervy nod to alternative holiday celebrations)

GO CIALIS (2014): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4A
(To the tune of “White Rabbit,” this pharmaceutical tribute rocks, um, harder)

HAIR ON MY KNUCKLES (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gF
(Though it’s not true that having hair on one’s knuckles signifies retardation, that doesn’t deter the muse…)

HAPPY FOOT SONG
(see listing under MY FOOT)

HE’S GOT THE SHITHOLE WORLD (IN HIS HANDS) (2018): https://wp.me/pzvIo-g3
(A timely immigration song for our President)

HELLUVA LIFE (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fs
(The joys of castration, Bee Gees style)

HERE’S TO THE HIGH SCHOOL (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5t
(A bitter alma mater for bitter alma martyrs)

HOLIDAY CONGA (co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon, 2008): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gt
(The beauty of Jewish holidays is not their sacredness or spirituality; it’s that there’s so many of `em)

I KNOW WHAT GOYS LIKE (2012): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4G
(A parody tune, co-written with Rabbi Sol Solomon for his stage show, Shalom, Dammit!)

I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU (author: Scott Rodolitz, 1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dU
(A catchy tune about finding the right girl at the wrong time)

I WANNA DECOMPOSE (1979, co-author: Scott Rodolitz): https://wp.me/pzvIo-f3
(Nihilism at its goofiest)

I WANNA HOLD YOUR STUMP (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5H
(Look ma, a Beatles song parody with no hands!)

I’M GONNA PISS MYSELF (2017): https://wp.me/pzvIo-ev
(A Beatles parody about something yellow that isn’t a submarine)

I’M ME (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8K
(A jaunty tune celebrating the self)

I’M TOO SEXY (FOR MY PROSTATE) (2017, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-cN
(A parodic disco ditty about the Rabbi’s various ailments)

IN HIS ASS (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-ea
(A spirited spiritual about items actually inserted by people into their interstices)

IS IT GOOD FOR THE JEWS (2004, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4J
(A Yiddishy ditty that asks the age-old question)

IT WAS AN ALL RIGHT DAY (2017, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-70
(a parody of Ice Cube’s “It was a Good Day” from a Jewish perspective.)

IT’S A STIFF (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4M
(a dark song parody, to “Let it Snow,” about a true New York story)

JEOPARDY KEN (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4P
(A song parody, to the Beatles’ “The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill,” written to celebrate “Jeopardy” celeb Ken Jennings)

JERREE (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dx
(Jerry Lewis is no longer with us, but don’t tell that to the retarded boy who loves him…)

THE JERRY LEWIS TELETHON HOP (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dv
(Penned by Scott Rodolitz and Kevin Gerber, a mostly instrumental tribute to the nutty telethon host)

JOEY, THE SPASTIC KANGAROO (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4R
(A bouncy comic tune about an Aussie animal that bounces too freely)

KENNEDY CAR CAR (fka Song for Ted Kennedy) (1980): http://wp.me/pzvIo-de
(A folkie number about the chap acquitted)

KILLIN’ THE CANDIDATES (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5J
(A darkly comic look at the trigger happy)

KISS ME, I’M IRISH (2018): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gA
(A song for the Irishman in all of us)

THE KOSHER HOT DOG PICNIC (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-as
(A children’s folk song about–what else?–depravity)

LA-LA LAND (1988): http://wp.me/pzvIo-J
(A song parody of John Denver’s “Leaving on a Jet Plane” written specifically for a “Howard Stern Show” contest)

LADY LIBERTY (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5L
(A playful number about a statuesque lady)

LAMENT #9 (1982): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5P
(If John Lennon heard this song parody, he’d primal scream)

LET HIM PEE (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-ez
(Even early on, I was a “whiz” at Beatles parodies)

LOOK WHAT THEY DONE TO MY HEAD, MA (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4U
(With apologies to Melanie, a dark song parody for the age of terrorism)

M-O-T-H-E-R (2003): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4Z
(Inspired by moms and Theodore Morse & Howard Johnson’s alphabetical tribute to them)

MANY WAYS (2004): https://wp.me/pzvIo-x0
(A teachable moment about language, Mr. Rogers-style)

MAOZ TZURIS (2007): https://wp.me/pzvIo-wW
(A traditionally non-traditional Chanukah tune))

MADE IN THE USA (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5X
(With apologies to The Boss, a parody song of planned obsolescence)

MAKIN’ POOPIES (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-4W
(A song parody for when you’re in the dumps)

THE MARRIAGE SONG (All You Do is Bitch) (2013): http://wp.me/pzvIo-3w
(A marital song parody of Lennon-McCartney’s “All You Need is Love”)

ME (1988): http://wp.me/pzvIo-20
(A joyfully comical-egocentrical tune)

MEM’RIES OF SCRANTON (1988): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9h
(A country-tinged, comical tune about family travels)

MICHAEL, ROW (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-65
(An environmentally conscious song parody)

MONSTERS OF THE WORLD (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-67
(A political song, both serious and ambivalent. Oh joy.)

MOOSE YOU AROUND (1985):
(see listing under The Antlers are Blowing in the Wind)

THE MOST OFFENSIVE SONG EVER WRITTEN (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7G
(No, really, it’s vile. I dare you…)

MY BLUES (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fd
(A disease parody from my diseased mind)

MY DOGGY’S CHRISTMAS GIFT (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-51
(A comical tune about how to keep your pet happy during the holidays)

MY FOOT (aka Happy Foot Song) (1990): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7C
(A comical marching tune about our neglected tootsies)

MY LADY’S A WILD BUZZARD (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-f5
(A tender parodic ballad extolling the behavior of a harridan)

NADINE (written by Scott Rodolitz, Jay Auerfeld & Kevin Gerber; 1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dA
(A doo-wop number about teenage love…from behind)

NAPERVILLE (1989): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1V
(A comical tribute to a somewhat underrated Chicago suburb)

THE NIPPLE SONG (1980): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6s
(A celebration of all things nipular)

NIRVANITY (2002): http://wp.me/pzvIo-54
(A parody with all apologies to the late Kurt Cobain)

NOT A FRIEND (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6y
(A serious tune about the limits of platonics)

NOT THE CLAM BAR (1983): http://wp.me/pzvIo-da
(A Clash parody that chooses pastrami over prawns)

NOTHING IN THIS WORLD (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6C
(A seriously depressing song about about muddling through the mundane)

O THURM (a.k.a. THURMAN MUNSON) (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gW
(A Dylanesque tribute, of sorts, to a ballplayer’s demise)

OFF COLOUR (2018): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gm
(A parody song for, and about, young and old)

OH CUM ALL YOU FAITHFUL
(see listing under THE TWELVE PERVERSIONS OF CHRISTMAS)

OH DAT BEN (2015): http://wp.me/pzvIo-56
(A wry tribute to the early years of presidential candidate Ben Carson)

OH, MY LOVE (1984): http://wp.me/pzvIo-61
(A serious love song from a long time back)

ORGY BOY (1987): http://wp.me/pzvIo-22
(A joyfully depraved comic tune about naughty activities)

OY OY (2015, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-58
(A not-so-traditional Jewish hand-clapping song)

PHOENIX ENVY (2004): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fU
(A song for when Glen Campbell was more naughty than tragic)

PISHES SWEETER THAN WINE (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5a
(A parody song about the fountain of aging)

THE PITY ME I’M POLISH POLKA (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5d
(Well, at least it’s not an oberek)

PSYCHO BLUES (2006): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1C
(A darkly comic tune about the activities of a psychopath. Not autobiographical)

PUBIC HAIR (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8M
(An ode to our nether feathers)

RABBI PEARL’S LAMENT (aka “The Schvartze Rubbed My Shmekel”) (1987, co-author Jeff Rothstein): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6G
(A comical cautionary tale for a man of soiled cloth)

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTIONS THEME (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5h
(How the good Rabbi opens his sermons)

RAIN ON THE BORDERLINE (1986): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6K
(A bit of unhappiness, in serious song form)

THE RECTUM OF EDMUND FITZGERALD (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5l
(With apologies to Gordon Lightfoot and a lot of dead sailors, a dark parody tune inspired by a true Long Island travesty)

RING MY BELL (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-94
(A joyful number in Wild Man Fischer style)

SANDY DUNCAN’S EYE (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5x
(a rhythmic and visionary tribute)

SANTA QUITS (2012): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6h
(a mashup piece, in Buchanan & Goodman style, using short samples from other artists).

SANTASIA (2004): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6m
(a not-safe-for-the-north-pole holiday poem about Santa’s depravity)

SEAMUS THE URINE MAN (1998): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6p
(An Irish tune, based on the true story of a Dublin shop owner with a unique bouquet)

SERVE SOMEBODY (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-gZ
(A parody tune ruing Bob Dylan’s stillborn again period)

SEW BUTTONS (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8Y
(A bit of pure absurdist whimsy, with sprinkle of Wild Man Fischer)

SEX WITH A CHICKEN (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9R
(A comical song for the bestial years of our lives)

SHAKING LIKE A MONKEY (1992): http://wp.me/pzvIo-1Q
(an absurdly happy comic tune about, well, doing the title)

SHEEP ARE MOIST (1982): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7J
(A comical, country-folk number that became the anthem of the band I was in at the time, The Moist Sheep)

THE SHIT SONG (2012, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6X
(A comic ditty about world religions penned for the stage play, Shalom Dammit! An Evening with Rabbi Sol Solomon)

SNIPER’S LULLABY (2002): http://wp.me/pzvIo-aE
(Written for my radio show, a song–to the tune of “Hobo’s Lullaby”–to celebrate the capture of the Beltway snipers)

STUCK INSIDE OF HEWLETT WITH THE BROOKLYN BLUES AGAIN (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fp
(A parody, of course, about rampant corruption, of course)

SUGAR, SPICE, AND A VERY SHARP AXE (co-author, Scott Rodolitz; 1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dh
(Lizzie Borden has nothing on this girl)

SWIMAWAY (2005): http://wp.me/pzvIo-ax
(A parody song inspired by the 2004 Indonesian tsunami, yet another iteration of “Mbube/Wimoweh/The Lion Sleeps Tonight)”

TAKE YOUR UNDEROOS DOWN (The Rolf Harris Song) (2014): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7w
(A Rolf Harris parody…and pillory)

TEN MORAY EELS (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8B
(A strange poetic chant for those who find the little Indians too un-P.C.)

THAT SONG ABOUT THE LADY OF THE BOWERY: https://wp.me/pzvIo-gP
(Ah, when love is blind, deaf, and impervious to odor)

THE SCHVARTZE RUBBED MY SHMEKEL
(see listing under RABBI PEARL’S LAMENT)

THEN YOU’RE JEWISH (2012, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-73
(A comic ditty about modern Jewish life. The song is performed in the first act of the stage play, Shalom Dammit! An Evening with Rabbi Sol Solomon)

THIS ONE’S FOR YOU (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5j
(The second — yes, second — song I wrote about enemas…and hopefully not the last)

THE TRICKLE-DOWN LULLABY (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-2a
(A darkly satirical number about a desperate man. The piece was written with stage directions and can be performed as a brief one-act solo)

THE TWELVE PERVERSIONS OF CHRISTMAS (aka “Oh Cum All Ye Faithful”) (1979, co-author: Scott Rodolitz): http://wp.me/pzvIo-6O
(The melody is traditional the exploits are not)

THURMAN MUNSON
(see listing under “O THURM”)

TUMOR IN MY HEAD (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8a
(A jaunty, non-autobiographical tune)

VEGETABLES ARE BAD FOR YOU (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7L
(A comical country song about mercy killin’. Yee haw)

WAKKA WAKKA BOOM BOOM PIG (2001): http://wp.me/pzvIo-9o
(Penned in Italy and dedicated to the man selling splat pigs there)

WALK ON THE WEIRD SIDE (1980): http://wp.me/pzvIo-do
(And you thought Lou Reed was kinky?)

WHAT AM I? (1991): http://wp.me/pzvIo-8j
(A joyful song of the self)

WHEN I’M NINETY-THREE (1979): http://wp.me/pzvIo-dq
(A parodic ode to decrepitude)

THE WHITE JEW BLUES (1985): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7S
(Kind of an “oy is me” song for members of the tribe)

THE WORST SONG EVER WRITTEN (2017): http://wp.me/pzvIo-7y
(A love song utilizing every possible cliche and groaner rhyme. Someone should sing it through a megaphone)

YESHIVA BOY (2011, co-author: Rabbi Sol Solomon): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5U
(A bouncy Bob Seger parody that served as the opening number of Shalom Dammit!)

YAYS AND BOOZE (1979): https://wp.me/pzvIo-fi
(A parody ballad with a rather startling blood-alcohol content)

YOU DON’T GET ME HIGH (1980): https://wp.me/pzvIo-eO
(A song parody about love gone up in smoke)

YOUR MEAT’S TOO BIG (2008): http://wp.me/pzvIo-5A
(In Fats Waller parodies, size matters)

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SONG: Off Colour

OFF COLOUR

(c)2018 David Lefkowitz

(Sung to the melody of Donovan’s “Colours”)

Yellow is the color of my grandma’s pants
When I change them, twice a day
Yes, I change them, but it’s okay
`Cause in time
`Cause in time
I’ll get what’s mine

Green is the color of my grandma’s teeth
In the evening, in a glass
When I wipe her bony ass
There’ll come a time
There’ll come a time
When I won’t mind

Blue is the color of the bruise on her arm
When I make her take her pill
When I make her sign her will
There’ll be time
There’ll be time
I’ll get what’s mine

Brown is the color of her casket lid
in the graveyard where she lies
Hey, it’s normal, everyone dies
So I’m fine
Yeah, I’m just fine
It was her time

Black is the color of the ink on her will
That the lawyer stamps and signs
That the lawyer stamps and signs
It’s all fine
On the dotted line
And now it’s mine

Green is the color of my bank account
Thank you, grandma!

********************
NOTES & BACKSTORY:

This came to me, for absolutely no reason, when I was sitting in my car at a traffic light. I’ve known the Donovan song for 40 odd years, but suddenly the idea of colors being applied to a wizened senior struck me as a can’t-miss opportunity. In fact, the first line that occurred to me—“blue is the color of my grandma’s hair”—never made it into the final song. After a couple of days’ thought, on Feb. 26, 2018, I found the song’s story (a grandson copes with tending to nana’s wretched needs by keeping his eyes on the prize), and the lyrics were finished off in about half an hour. An hour or so later, I even had the video up: http://davesgoneby.net/?p=11941.

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