LISA RINNA GETS HER MOJO BACK BIG TIME
by David Lefkowitz
(This article was first published Sept. 2012 in Long Island Woman magazine.)
Okay, so you might not have a successful soap opera career, and you might not be married to a heartthrob TV actor, and you might not have a fashion line on a home shopping network, and you might not have posed for Playboy, and you might not be raising a healthy, happy family, but goshdarnit, whatever your situation, you can still improve your sex life.
If you don’t believe me, just pick up “The Big Fun Sexy Sex Book,” a breezy but frank how-to guide penned by relationship counselor Ian Kerner and actress Lisa Rinna, the latter known for her years on “Days of Our Lives” and multitudinous TV hosting gigs, as well as her long-lasting marriage to “L.A. Law’s” Harry Hamlin. Divided into such sections as “Brave New World: Sex After Kids” and “The Ins and Outs of Porn,” the book doesn’t shy away from fetishes, boundary pushing and advice such as “oral pleasure is totally fine when you’re pregnant. As with cunnilingus anytime, just be sure that your partner doesn’t blow into your vagina, which can cause an air embolism which can be life threatening for you and your baby.”
Nope, this is no mere pep talk about candelight and quality time. And if such candor is surprising from a Hollywood celebrity, it’s not entirely unexpected from an actress who Danced with the Stars and even opened up her homelife to a reality TV series. Reached by phone in late spring, Rinna merrily talked of sex, marriage, media and more.
Did you warn Harry that you’d be coming out with a book that people will inevitably, and not incorrectly, assume is based on what goes on behind your own bedrooms doors?
My husband has been with me now for 20 years, so he knows the scoop. He knows what he’s getting. I tend to do things that are outside the box. I wrote a book in 2008 called “Renovation,” and in one chapter I talked about my losing my mojo and how I got it back. So Harry said the new book is “an extension of [`Renovation’], and it helps people.” So he was very supportive.
Is your marriage is different in that way from your previous relationships?
I would say one of my earlier relationships was outwardly abusive on some level, which I absolutely allowed. Which I think we do. In fact, I think two of them were a bit on the abusive side. And not the right partner; that happens, too. Two of my relationships were two of my greatest teachers, but certainly not people I would want to live my life with. There are times when you pick people in your life for whatever lessons you need to learn.
So what did they teach you?
They taught me a lot about what I want, and how I want to be treated and what positive, good things I want in my life. And how life can be really quite lovely and easy; it doesn’t have to be torturous. That’s why we have different relationships, so we can learn what we like and what we dislike. And they put me in the right direction towards my husband, let’s put it that way.
But here you’ve co-written a book that, some would say, occasionally buys into very pre-Women’s Liberation ideas of sexiness – lingerie, playing dress-up, learning pole dancing –
Sex is still not an issue that people are comfortable with. I think that’s why it’s kept so private, and that’s why people tend to suffer so silently. The book is done really well, and it’s brought up a lot of conversation. But I think people are still really uncomfortable going there, or even thinking about it or addressing it.
Well, you have addressed it fearlessly, and you’ve even posed for Playboy twice – once when six months pregnant. Would you pose for again?
No, I would not. I am done with that. I think that there’s a time and a place for things (laughs), and I’ve done it now, completely and happily, but I would say no.
What about and botox and plastic surgery, which you’ve readily admitted to trying in the past?
Nope, not doing any of it now. Every woman has tried it in their forties at this point, I would say. Certainly, every woman in Hollywood. But not for me, no.
Even though you’ve been a model, actress, and fashionista for more than two decades, have you had body issues trying to be a person in media?
I think, as any woman, yes I did. I know it sounds crazy, but everything’s relative. And after having my second child, I really had issues of all kinds. I felt terrible. I had an awful post-partum depression. I didn’t feel good about myself, and I didn’t feel free. Even though you may come across playing a character that’s a vixen or sexy, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re that in your real life. Growing up as women, we have so many hangups because we’re told, “You’re not supposed to move your body that way. Only bad girls do that kind of thing.” We get a lot of mixed messages, and these are high ideals to live up to – body-wise and what to look like. I think it’s really quite stressful.
How bad was your depression?
After my second child, my doctor put me on a form of Prozac called Sarafem. I only took it for about two months; that’s all I needed to re-set my hormonal clock. But I think the best thing you can ever do is if you’re ever feeling anything out of sorts, you gotta call your doctor. And then you decide what might be best for you, but that really worked well for me.
Well, things have generally worked out well for you, even if your career path is somewhat the reverse of the usual. After all, you went from sitcoms into soap operas, rather than the other way around.
I know, right? I don’t think anything about my career has been normal or pre-planned. It just happened the way it happened. I kind of did everything backwards, but it all worked out great.
When I got “The Hogan Family,” which was the sitcom I started out in, it was to play Jason Bateman’s girlfriend. And they had been looking for this character for three months. They’d seen over 300 actresses. When I came in and got the part, I never imagined I’d start out doing a comedy, but it was a great place to learn.
The soap opera came after just audition after audition. I think I screen tested for seven different soaps – and I’d never gotten one. I really thought, “I have no career in this genre at all; it’s not gonna happen.” When I went in for “Days of Our Lives,” I’d read for all of them.
Did you prefer soaps to other kinds of television?
The work is all the same – except the pace is fast. Doing a soap opera is like doing live theater. You have to know your lines, and you have to move really quickly. Doing a nighttime show, there are different angles. You shoot your side, then you go and shoot the other person’s side. So it’s a much more drawn-out process. I love the pace of a soap opera because I like doing live TV, live theater, live anything.
Had you done any live theater before you tried Broadway in Chicago?
No, I never had, other than high-school musical theater. There, I was in Carnival. I was one of the daughters in Fiddler on the Roof. And we did Rocky Horror Picture Show – I think I played the Susan Sarandon character. To be honest with you, I don’t even remember that!
What about acting or dance classes in high school?
I dabbled here and there, and I took a little ballet. We didn’t have acting classes where I grew up in Medford, Oregon, so I never really took an acting class per se, but I learned how to do a little bit in the musical-theater class in school.
Do you still take classes?
I’m always doing something whether I’m doing a voice class or taking an acting class or a dance class. Right now, I’m doing “Days of Our Lives,” so that’s my acting class. In class, I’m taking dancing.
Was that brought on by doing “Dancing with the Stars?”
Absolutely. My partner [Louis Van Amstel] and I started an exercise dance class after we did “Dancing with the Stars.” It’s called “LaBlast,” and it’s a ballroom-dance class that you don’t need a partner for. I let him take over the class because I had too much going on. Now he has DVDs out, and he teaches classes all over the country at different Crunch Fitnesses. It’s a great workout and great fun.
And you’re also a big proponent of Sheila Kelley’s S Factor – which involves workouts with a stripper pole?
It really changes your whole attitude about being a woman, your body, and how you move your body.
Would you say you’re something of a fitness junkie?
Yes, I would. If I’m addicted to anything, I’m addicted to fitness and working out – and have been for, oh my gosh, thirty years! (laughs)
So how often do you exercise?
A little bit of something every day. I mix it up. I practice a lot of yoga. I’ll go to Pilates, I’ll take a spin class, I’ll go for a run, I’ll go for a hike. To me, it’s like brushing my teeth.
What about your diet?
For me, it’s all about consistency. It’s all about keeping it to where you never have to lose ten pounds, and you never gain ten pounds. You just keep your diet consistent. I try not to do too many things that are not good for you, or are high fat. It’s common sense. But I also allow myself – if I want some cookies, or cake, or if I’m eating off the kids’ plates or having a piece of pizza or mac and cheese – which we all do. It’s just about moderation and getting back on your program the next day. I am healthy, and I do get checked. I’m due for my mammogram this month, and I’m due for my physical. In this day and age, you have to stay on it.
Speaking of staying on it, let’s get back to sex. What surprised you most while co-writing the “Big Fun Sexy Sex Book”?
I think the choreplay thing. Making the effort to avoid boreplay or choreplay. If a man really helps a woman out, she’s more apt to be open sexually. That was a surprise to me in writing it with Ian. Ian, being a sex therapist, is very big on that. Women and men are wired so differently. After this whole “Fifty Shades of Grey” thing, I think what surprised me most about that book was the S&M section and the things where people take risks to go have sex outside and do it in all kinds of crazy places. That’s surprising to me.
Have you seen Gilbert Gottfried reading from “Fifty Shades of Grey”?
Oh, it’s gotta be hilarious. Oh, how funny!
Instead of Mars vs. Venus, you note that men are more like standard transmission cars, while women are more like soufflé?
It’s really true. Once you can dial into that . . . It’s really tricky because we both are so different. We women need a certain thing, and men . . . don’t, so to speak. Or need a totally different thing. Getting on the same frequency is a lot of it. And if your partner can tune into what you need, or if you can be open enough to tell your partner what you need, again, it goes back to communication. So many marriages don’t make it because of that one thing: they can’t get on the same frequency.
Do you and Harry really follow all the book’s advice about spicing things up, or do you two, too, fall into boreplay and choreplay?
I think we’re just like anybody else. It falls into all those areas, because we are a very busy, two-person working family, just like millions of people out there. What I love about the book is that it’s a reminder to stay aware and to stay connected. To make that intimate connection with your partner is really, really important. That’s why I like to read so many spiritual books. I need to be reminded all the time to live in the moment and to do these certain things, or I’ll just go on my crazy, egotistical, narcissistic path which so many of us tend to fall into. I need those kinds of reminders – especially when it comes to intimate connections with my husband `cause I get so busy.
How did you meet your husband, by the way, on a series?
No, I was working in an eyeglass store! It was before I got `Days of Our Lives.’ I was working for a friend in an eyeglass store, and Harry just came in to get his glasses fixed (laughs). It was just, `Hi, how are you?’ And we’d seen each other off and on. I knew his wife at the time. Though by the time we started to see each other, he was in the middle – or, divorced.
Did you realize early on he’d be “the one”?
No, no gosh no. He was “Harry Hamlin.” He was this actor that I’d known and grown up watching. I didn’t even think it was a possibility. He’s 12 years older. And I thought, “This guy’s so handsome and so nice.” I didn’t go out with him right away. We spent about two weeks on the phone; he was in Aspen, and I was up in Oregon over Christmas. And at first I had no “reality” connection to him, because it just seemed weird. But then I got to know him by talking to him. He was very diligent; he called me every single day. My mom would answer the phone and be like, “Oh my God, Harry Hamlin’s on the phone!” It was the cutest thing, and it was a good way to start a relationship.
Was the relationship tested when you did “Harry Loves Lisa”?
That was so brief. Harry and I have worked together many times. We created that show together, and we were producers of it and had full control over it. So it was really fun for us, and the kids loved it. And we really only shot over a two-month period. It was a blip, but it was a really fun time.
So was it reality?
Oh no, it’s never reality, to be honest with you. I mean, I wish the cameras could have been rolling all the time. What happens with these reality shows is that they are scripted television. They’re just played by the real people. That’s my opinion and my experience. We wanted to do the show in a very different way, and the network, being the network, wanted a beginning, a middle and an end every episode, a story. So to me, it was really like working as an actor but with my family, because there was nothing really “real” about it.
So what is your reality as two working actors raising kids?
You know, it’s a very interesting tightrope that we walk (laughs). But being actors, the beauty of it is that one of us is always here. We don’t tend to work at the same time, so somebody’s always home. And my schedule is so brilliant right now: being able to do “Days of Our Lives,” and then I’ve got the QVC line that I fly to do maybe every six weeks or so. And Harry’s doing independent films here and there. So family comes first for us. It always has, it always will.
Which is what you hope for down the road?
I hope that my children are happy and follow their passion and their dreams. I hope that everybody stays very healthy, and we continue to be abundant and prosperous, we’re able to give back to charity and to just live a really joyous life.
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SIDEBAR SHORTIES – (excerpted from lisarinna.com)
Favorite characters she’s played
Roxie Hart in Chicago, Billie Holiday Reed (“Days of Our Lives”)
Favorite quote
“Just do it.”
TV shows on her Tivo
“Cake Boss,” “Say Yes to the Dress,” “Dancing with the Stars”
Favorite travel destination
Tahiti
Career mistakes she wishes she could do over
“I wouldn’t have left so many agents.”
Guiltiest pleasure
Cookies.
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BYLINE:
David Lefkowitz co-publishes Performing Arts Insider (TotalTheater.com) and hosts Dave’s Gone By (davesgoneby.com) on UNC Radio. He is the co-author and director of the stage show, “Shalom Dammit! An Evening with Rabbi Sol Solomon.” Read more at: https://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/about/.
The Collected Writings of... David Lefkowitz 